Published May 14, 2009
Can One chart the course of one's destiny?
Or are such things fixed in place?
Can the lowly rise to match the great?
O is that against the laws of Nature?
Do we fight against society and tradition,
To fufill a dream?
Some say that the stars never move:
That they are always constant.
But, like a river, the stars change and move.
And, like the stars, we can change
Our place in society
By our perserverance.
So yes, we can chart our own course.
Yes, the lowly may rise, and the
Great may fall.
And that is the law of Nature.
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139,467 Literary Works • 672,572 Reviews
Hey! Like Dusty, I really enjoyed this, but there are a couple of things that could use improvement:
Can One chart the course of one's destiny?
I don't think 'one' should be capitalised here as you are (presumably) speaking about a normal person and not a god.
O is that against the laws of Nature?
Should be 'or'
To fufill a dream?
Should be 'fulfill'
But, like a river, the stars change and move.
While I do like this line, I don't like the 'change and move.' It's repetitive and what's more you're comparing the stars to a river, and there are so many different, more descriptive verbs you could use than 'move.' Shift, flow, glide, drift, cross etc.
By our perserverance.
Should be 'perseverance'
Lovely ending. Lovely poem, actually, overall. Keep writing!
-Mars
I love this so much!
It seems as if you're a map, plotting the coordinates of love! :]
To me, this poem shows a change in life, it shows that life is always moving, in a consistent breathing pace.
The way you use Nature as a background subject, is just amazing.
Fulfilling one's dream in nature and perseverance?
That's just sweet!
Amazing job here.
Keep writing, I need to read more. :]