Published May 14, 2009
Once upon a midnight dreary,
With feigned visaga, now sad, now merry,
A song into the air, and singing passed
Behind these hazel eyes
O, the bleeding drops of red,
Welcome to your gory bed.
Wild are the winds to meet you,
Behind these hazel eyes.
May the Road rise up to meet you,
Oh, how my very being craves.
Let me take you down
Behind thses hazel eyes.
Imagine there's no heaven,
Would you know my name?
Two roads diverged upon a path
Behind these hazel eyes.
We caught the tread of dancing feet,
Maids heard the goblins cry:
"Fair is the knight that lieth slain.
Behind these hazel eyes,
Red roses are hidden there."
Poem List
The Raven
Caesar, When that traitor of Egypt
The Rose of Battle
Behind these Hazel eyes
O captain, my Captain
Scots Wa Hae
Scotland the Brave
Irish blessing
How Curious the Light behaves
She loves you
Strawberry Fields
Imagine
Tears in Heaven
The road not taken
The harlot's house
The goblin market
The Dole of the king's daughter
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139,467 Literary Works • 672,572 Reviews
Hi Araidne! Nice to meet you, dear, I'm Kat.
First off I wanted to ask you something: are the poems were the lines were token from written by you? If not, notify a moderator, because it's forbidden to post work that isn't yours.
Now, as I am here already, I will review this!
Don't capitalize the 'with' on the second stanza. I understand these lines were taken from many poems, but you should try to instead of leaving them like this, make it a new poem and connect the sentences.
There's no connections between the two first line sand the two last ones. When you say that 'once upon' then something happened. But you don't explain exactly what happened.
The repetition of the 'now' is nice. It helps your flow and description.
The metaphor between the song and eyes, is nice. A nice touch to this stanza
Also, I don't really know what visage means, and I can't find it anywhere. Maybe you typed it and it was meant to be visage?
This stanza is a nice start; it stands the mood.
I may be wrong, but I believe that in the first line you either but it 'Oh' or "O' " .
Your rhyming scheme is rather unnatural. The first two lines rhyme. I would normally say to keep a definite rhyming scheme, but this sounds nice, and helps your rhythm.
Again, don't capitalize the 'welcome'.
Dear, I must repeat this: connect the sentences! Generally, the two firsts have a thin connection, I can in some way relate them, but the last two don't. The repetition of 'behind these hazel eyes' doesn't work. Maybe say the same thing, but either using a metaphor or in some other way.
Why did you capitalize the 'Road'? As I see it, it has no need for capitalizing. Maybe in the context of the original poem it did, but right here it doesn't.
Again, the last two lines don't connect, and the relation between the two first is very subtle. I can't really relate that much, since the imagery isn't there.
'thses' should be these.
The end is nice.
Overall: The lines, themselves alone, are truly nice, but put together don't work. You have many different themes scrambling around that if you don't connect them properly they will just be a bunch of lines thrown together! Please, do work on that.
Feel free to PM if you have any questions
*Kat*