Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Prologue
Jason Delas ate breakfast with three fourths of his family including himself. He always had, and probably always will. His father was never there, which was normality for him. His elder brother sat next to him at the longer side of the rectangular table. His care-free looking mother was reading her usual books over again, her “survival books” she always said, although he and his brother never understood what she meant.
The rest of the house only had necessary furniture placed in it. One bed, another bunk-bed, and the table they ate on. However, it made the entire family of three plenty happier then when they were living in any apartment. Their breakfast consisted of a loaf of bread, eggs, and seasonal additives, such as jelly and salt. Foam plates were used during the breakfast, but their mother had said that she would go out and buy silverware and other household needs later in the day. That was their plan; she could only save up a little extra each week, so she would save up until they had enough to buy other house supplies. They were happy throughout the rest of the week because they had finally bought a house. But Jason was especially happy, because he was attending his first day of a public high school. He was a sophomore; his freshmen year had been taken away by a year of being homeschooled by a computer program.
His brother was already a senior, so he would be eighteen soon, too soon. He had already started applying for jobs to fund his college plans, which had brought Jason to the question of what it would be like without his only sibling. They already had too much to deal with in their own poverty then worry about what would happen to a member of it. In reality, it would make living expenses less, but the sacrifice of one of their few family members was too much.
His younger brother wanted to work too, but he was forced to focus on his education, which was put before anything else, even if it meant living as poor as they were.
Aaron, his brother, was eating quietly, that was odd for him. He usually had a laid back character that smiled as often as the sun shined. He wasn’t worried about his future, only when he was actually planning it out.
He was abnormally over 6’1 and made Jason have to look up at him at an awkward angle every time they spoke. He had radiant hazel eyes, and had the same hair color as his brother. He wore his old basketball shorts and a white T-shirt, he sat abnormally still and composed today, as if he was at a job interview, but Jason didn’t bother to ask him why.
The family ate silently on the day before Jason would leave for school the next day.
Chapter 1
Jason wore navy blue jeans, with an unzipped light jacket tossed over a black shirt. He had a higher than average physical status, which was because he was extremely bored at home when the internet didn’t work nicely. His height was 5’10 despite having at least one coke a day, and he had a pitch black hair. His eyes were a chocolate brown with a dark hazel color rimming the outside of his eye. He had an iPod, but rarely used it at all, but he was happy with his status anyway, because he finally had his own room, even if it was almost completely empty.
He had expected for high school to be a bit different from middle school, he had attended Middle school for all three years, but the only differences it had from high school was the amount of people, and the size of the school, both of which were a nuisance. This made him wonder what he was expecting before he came anyway, and so, he had thought up some material to think about for the rest of the class period. He had been homeschooled for the freshman year of high school due to his mom’s definite decision. All she told him was that he didn’t need to be there, and the conversation was over. He didn’t argue, because he thought that being homeschooled could be better, but that also, turned out to be wrong. He wasn’t much of a rebel either, and would rather spend his time sinking himself in his room. All he was doing now was waiting for his sophomore teacher to assign another worksheet in the school that his Mom put him in.
Several of the students in his classroom always gossiped about some of the others; they were also conveniently placed next to him, so he spent much of his free-time listening in on the recent mischievous deeds that some of the other kids had planned to do, but most of which they never actually did. This served as a source of information of which kids to stay away from and which were alright, (although they rarely ever said something good about anyone). He had used this to his full advantage, but had never dared to get any closer to them, he simply didn’t want to make friends with the kids that were prone to talk shit about their own companions. He wasn’t the only kid that thought that way in the classroom either, a girl wearing dark colored attire sat at the front left of the class, staring out the window with a blank expression, and a guy in the front right of the class was busy shoving his head in assignments that were due the day before yesterday. The other students all sat in their small groups talking about what they were interested in, whether it is video-games to playing an instrument.
The Classroom itself had a few posters, they had quotes that were supposed to inspire those who needed help, but honestly, he didn’t think that any students took them to heart. Either because they didn’t care, or because they didn’t want to, the reason was something he didn’t exactly want to know, but couldn’t help pondering over since he was so bored.
The school had a scruffy stern feel to it, almost as if the school was made to be hated for its boredom. The carpet had random colors thrown in the dark background, it only added to the miserable atmosphere. However for most people, this school was only normal, Jason had been homeschooled for one entire year, so he expected a little more, yet he had already developed a passionate hatred for the school.
Steins High was the average of the average. This was probably the real reason why his mother allowed him to attend a public school this year. She knew of the schools indifference, and lack of enthusiasm, and wanted for her son to quit and go back home to stay. So far, her plan was working so smoothly that it creeped out her son.
The first few classes had already put himself on the edge of calling his mom, and telling, with an annoyed expression, to come and pick him up.
The lunch period only gave Jason another problem…he couldn’t find a seat, he hadn’t gotten his lunch before finding one, but he was glad he didn’t, because he would have to eat standing up.
Every single table was taken up by groups of people. There were a few empty seats, but when he approached, the other kids gave him intimidating glares. They were probably saving the seats for someone else, but it was still inconvenient for him. The seating problem gave him enough trouble to make him give up completely and sneak to his next class to wait for the lunch period to be over, without so much as a bite of food, he thought to himself that he wasn’t all that hungry anyway.
When he came home from school, his brother was as usual when he came back from school, was sprawled on his bed sleeping soundlessly in their shared room, and his mother was at work. The internet was working, but he didn’t feel like doing anything but joining his brother in a nap-fest. He had homework, but he reassured himself that he would do it after he woke up. He ate what his mother left for him, which was a bowl of steaming stew with a slice of buttered bread. After not having anything to eat the whole day, He was hungry enough to look at it like it was a pot of gold. His mom left a note next to the fridge, but he didn’t bother to touch it until he was done eating.
“Wake up your brother, he’s been asleep for way too long. And DON’T procrastinate on your homework brat, school will help you out for the rest of your life. Love You - Mom” it read.
After he read it, he pulled the blanket off his brother and crawled into his bed. Soon after, Jason fell asleep listening to the sound of the air conditioner and his brother’s grumbling voice. For the next few days, the cycle of his “normal” school life was set on repeat over and over again.
(Jason Delas ended up doing the assignment early in the morning the next day.)
____________________________________________________________________________
During lunch in the month of September, Jason sat at the door of his next class. He thought of home as a way to pass the time. A few minutes later, a familiar girl, the same one from his last period, came and sat down a few feet next to him. Her familiar dark apparel gave off a gloomy aura. He only glanced at her as she came to sit down.
“Lunch treating you well?” He asked in an attempt to start a conversation a few quiet moments later. He saw no reason to avoid speaking her, not yet at least. He had no idea what she was like, the only way to base anything about her was her clothes, which didn’t give off the greatest first impression.
“Huh? Oh, yeah….yeah,” she said awkwardly, her eyes looked surprised for a split second, but only to be brushed off his notice.
“Really?” Jason continued, “You had a small lunch then, it’s only been about ten minutes since the bell rang for lunch to start.”
She hesitated to say anything, “I get that a lot, so what about you?” She asked changing the subject reluctantly.
“Couldn’t find a spot to sit…as usual,” he answered with a small smile, deciding not to pry.
“Oh, there’s a neat spot that I found outside of the building that no one passes by, so you could eat up there peacefully…if you want of course, I stopped using it today though,” giving Jason an opportunity to have lunch tomorrow. “I think I might just take you up on that offer,” he said with an expression of great appreciation.
They talked until the last five minutes of lunch, he had enjoyed her company more than most of what the school had to offer, which was surprising since he usually found lunch time to be the most enjoyable (back at his house at least).
“So you were home schooled last year?” April said as she struggled to grind dirt out of the corner of her left shoe.
“Yep, although I didn’t know it would be just as boring as a public school,” he answered as he counted the darkened bricks on the wall. He glanced at her back which was covered by her nearly pitch black hair. She didn’t look much more different from anybody else (minus her sense of fashion), and she wasn’t special in anyway either. Her attitude was completely lax and kind, yet she spoke as if she was being watched by her parents. It seemed like she was restraining a part of herself, which Jason took a while to get used to.
“Well, yeah, the education system in America is a bit off when it comes to being fun,” she said with a serene smile.
“You sound like you aren’t from America at all,” Jason said, not thinking too much about what he was saying. But when she looked at him in a weird way when he said it, it had slightly startled him.
The next second, the fire alarm sounded along with an announcement from the PA.
“An emergency evacuation of the city’s and Suburbs have been ordered from the officials of state, all students get on the buses as we call them up, if possible, please call your parents to come pick you up instead, I repeat...” April stood up swiftly, ignoring the rest of the announcement.
“Something’s up,” she said loudly to overlap the sound of the fire alarm in the background, “you have any clue as to what’s going on?” she asked with a strange devious smirk as she put out her hand to help Jason up. He stood up on his own before she had the chance to reach out. From that point on, they had to nearly yell at each other in order to communicate.
Jason had no idea what she was talking about, but he answered anyway,” we’re going home early?” he answered so he wouldn’t look stupid, but she looked at him as if he was regardless.
Right after Jason was done speaking, a mob of panicking kids headed toward them at about the same speed as raging bulls. Jason was pulled once again, but this time to escape the large mob, April and Jason bolted out of the path of the kids that were running for their lives out the Cafeteria. Jason didn’t understand why they had to overreact so much. Kids these days just had to take advantage of an emergency so that they could scream their lungs out and act like animals, in this case, a hoard of bulls that had seen a lion. They entered the outside of the school, hundreds of kids rushed out just after them. Teachers were waiting outside to navigate the crowd, like sheep dogs, to the buses, with the large parking lot acting as the field. Jason and April avoided the sight of the teachers.
“Why are we hiding?” Jason whispered pointlessly with the screaming of students in the background.
April’s dark violet eyes studied Jason intensely,” you don’t know about Numbers do you?” she said making it sound more as a statement then a question.
“What?” Jason replied,” Numbers you said?” he said as he thought of the literal meaning.
“No time to explain, it’s a good thing you found me first, and not one of the others. Here, take this, it’ll give you a brief explanation of what Numbers are,” she said as her hand opened to reveal a black flash drive, but instead of the metal port that flash drives had, it had a flat glass circle. “I think that you’re a decent person, so I’ll let you have my only and last one, just give it back next time, if not, crush it,” she said as she slipped it into Jason’s hand.
A shock rushed through his entire body in a split-second.
Her hand sent a wave of pain through his body on contact, he yelled loudly in the pain; it felt like his body had just came into contact with a hanging electrical phone cord. A teacher faced them as he heard his scream, April was no where to be seen, instead, Jason was found kneeled on the ground writhing and shivering as if he was having a seizure.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
By the way, I am currently working on editing my second chapter, so be aware of the new works page!
Here guys, an updated version of my work.
Hello there. Bananaman reviews here on a special request. (Ehehe. You know why, Dev.)
To start off, mother of cliffhangers! C'mon man... You cant end a chapter like that. :C Aside from that, you've got an awesome beginning. Like a few other guys mentioned, you said Epilogue instead of Prologue. As you said, you have a few grammar mistakes, but nothing especially bad. There were a few things like this:
"All he was doing now was waiting for his sophomore teacher to assign another worksheet in the school that his Mom put him in."
I don't think you need that last part, and you could shorten that sentence to "All he did now was wait for his teacher to assign him another worksheet."
You don't really need to mention that his mother put him in the school, since you already said that earlier. Aside from a few mistakes like that, you've got a real hook here. I await your next chapter.
Bananaman reviews out, Great work!
(And eat a banana)
Thanks for reading my old friend, i appreciate it.
Hi there

First, you know that an Epilogue typically goes at the end of a story, right? The Prologue goes at the beginning.
Now, on to the story. Since Magenta took the grammatical approach, I'll take the plot.
You mentioned in the description that character appearances would come later. The only dangerous thing about that is that when someone reads a story, they immediately imagine how they want the character to look. If you try to change that after they already have it set in their minds, it takes away from your story.
For instance, I picture Jason as about six foot, dark brown hair that's a little unkempt, scrawny build, green eyes, and a few freckles. I know that's pretty detailed, but if that's not how you saw him, then later on you will be trying to change how I see Jason.
I also think that this story needs a little more setting up. Right now we don't know much about Jason, who he is a person, what he wants out of life. Those things can come later, but you usually need to have them figured out before your major conflict hits. Otherwise you have no idea how or why the character will react.
You've got me really curious about what's going to happen in this story. i can't really tell yet, but I think you've got a good plot line going. I'll check back in for chapter 2.
Keep writing!
~WallFlower
Sorry for the very first mistake, will have to fix that very soon. *Face palms himself* But thanks anyway for your comment. I have ??? Chapters waiting to be posted, I feel conflicted as to how many chapters I should really put on the internet...but once again, thank you for your support.
I fixed it, I will be reuploading the work soon after I fix the rest of the mistakes the other guys mentioned.
Now apologies, this is typed on an ipad so many mistakes and typos will be made! This is a wonderful start to a novel and I'm impressed with how well thought out this was. I like the charactar Jason. His emotions are believable and not to sappy. His life isn't dirt poor, like some exaggerated authors make things seem. But rather, happy and not in the best economical state. His emotions are realtable and not rough around the edges. I am not a grammer nazi so I do not have much to add to that!
Note: at the beginning of the chapter there was an epilogue. And epilogue is meant to wrap up a book rather than start it. What you are thinking of is a prologue. It's a small nitpick I have!
-Laina/cherrycanwrite160
Your postive reaction helped me out plenty, i must thank you for your enthusiastic attitude. Thank you.
Hi there! Moose here to do a quick review.
First off, happy Review day! Woop, woop!
Second of all, I like this. I'm really intrigued by what in the world is happening with Jason- first day of high-school, new year, awesome, then suddenly, bam. This April girl walks into his life and throws him for a loop. And what are these Numbers? You're keeping us guessing. Really interesting and I'd like to hear more.
I did have a few nitpicks, though.
At the top you write Epilogue. An Epilogue is the ending of a story, something to wrap things up. A Prologue, however, is what starts the story, gives us a quick taste of what's going to come.
When you write
That sentence just strikes as awkward to me. I would suggest instead of staying 'eating needs', write 'utensils' to make it flow more.
I suggest taking off 'in a house the family had just bought' because it really adds nothing to the overall sentence. It would most likely be a better idea to explain their new living quarters at the end of the paragraph, or in a different paragraph altogether.
This sentence is to long. If I can read it and have to take a breath in the middle, either I really need more cardio in my workout, or it's just a bit too long. It would be a good idea to separate this sentence into a few different ones, about three. For example,
'Every single table was taken up by groups of people. There were a few empty seats, but when he approached, the other kids gave him intimidating glares. They were probably saving it for someone else, but it was still inconvenient for him.'
There were a few other things, like grammar and spelling, but Magenta has some of those handled, so I'll just give you a wave!
This was a good story nonetheless, and I'd love to see more of your works around here. Oh, and welcome to YWS! Have fun, we're all pretty chill here.
Once again, happy review day!
Cheers,
Moose
Heh, I'm afraid that i made an embarressing mistake there, at the title of the prologue....I'm going to fix this right after I type this...
Hello Aragi,


Happy Review Day! This is Magenta here to write you a review on your first chapter of your novel, The Race of Numbers. I must say that this was well-written and thought out. I do have some comments and suggestions for you. This is a review, of course. So on I shall go!
"Jason Delas ate breakfast with three fourths of his family including himself, he always had, his father was never there, which was normality for him."
I think that this sentence could be split up into two sentences because I feel that this is more of a fragment. Perhaps you might consider stopping the sentence at the first comma and making the rest the second sentence. It seems weird the way that you worded this part, saying that it was a normality. I think you could write,"Jason Delas ate breakfast with only three fourths of his family. This, of course, was only normal; his father wasn't around." Something like that?
"They were happy throughout the rest of the week however, because they had finally bought a house, especially Jason, who was attending his first day of a public high school."
I think that "however" is a parenthetical expression and should be separated by commas on both sides. So you would need to add one before the word. Although, why would they buy a new house if they were poor? Struggling to get by?
"He had already started applying for Jobs to fund his college plans; which had brought Jason to the question of what it would be like without his only sibling. " I
I would not capitalize the word "jobs" here because it isn't really referring to anything specific, right? I would not use a semicolon here but maybe a comma. Or, I would consider separating that and making it the first part of a new sentence.
"Jason had expected for high school to be a bit different from middle school, he had attended Middle-school for all three years, but the only differences it had from high school was the amount of people, and the size of the school, both of which were a nuisance."
I think that you could use "he" more often because I keep seeing "Jason" which gets a bit too much sometimes. Why did you change the word "middle school"? You originally had it correct and then you changed it by capitalizing it and adding hyphen between the two words. I would choose one or the other, but I would suggest using the original one.
"Aprils dark violet eyes studied Jason intensely"
Because you are talking about April and her eyes, you must put an apostrophe in "Aprils" so that it is "April's eyes".
Other than those few things, I think that you have a great way of writing and I can't wait to see some more of your writing around here! I hope you enjoy this awesome review day and have fun.
~ Magenta
Wasn't expecting much of a reply from this website, thanks for the tips, my grammer in this piece was really rough, like I said in the description. This was because I wrote this awhile ago, i will be sure to double check my writing next time i post something up.