WILD HEARTS.
The hearts of us
Live in cages
They have been there
Since the beginning of ages
Why do you think we keep them locked?
The heart can run
When it finds its soul
The part that misses
To be a whole
A heart can’t be controlled
Even the cage , inside it can not hold
When the heart first finds it soul
It beats so hard
It can’t let go
It screams , it shouts
You can hear its voice
Its clear and loud.
But oh , when the heart loses the soul
It hurts so bad , it bleeds ,it moans.
The heart wants to be locked
It wants the missing soul to be forgot
It aches bad beyond the walls
It searches for help
But never comes
The heart wants to fill the gasp
It wants a soul that this time will last.
And now you know why our heart lives in cages.
Try not to let them go away
But locked inside they can not stay.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, AnxhelaSem! Steam1244 here to review. I have to say that this poem has a very deep meaning, and I love it! I can see a clear image, I have to agree with RossLighting on that point. The beginning confused me a little, but, when I got to the middle part I understood everything. I have no recommendations for you, because if I did, you have already covered them. This is a beautiful poem, and that's all I have to say. So, goodbye
Hello, I'm dropping by for a review!
Hearts can be hardened, locked into shells when people face difficulty and I can definitely understand your theme. It was expressed very strongly throughout the poem. Add some more vivid imagery here and there and divide the poem into some stanzas (the formatting here is difficult, I know) and I believe that your poem can be much improved.
I also saw some hints of a rhyme scheme but I would have liked to have a stronger one. I know you used "bad" only twice in "hurts so bad" and "aches bad" but I would like something more powerful--stronger.
I would also like to have a slightly more personal touch in this poem. The poem seems to be mainly talking about the heart--but how does it affect us? You don't have to clearly state it here, but something more subtle would be great!
Overall, I believe you crafted a good poem around a central theme, but it still needs some refinement here to be improved. I also like the idea about how close your soul is to your heart, how inseparable. Exploring that idea was a plus. Sorry this review was more negative. And keep writing more poetry!
Great poem, I loved the human imagery used in the poem. Like the part, 'it screams, it shouts.' I loved that part, and I loved how the whole poem rhymed. With the part' it hurts so bad, it bleeds, it moans,' I think that could of been a little better. A list just doesn't seem to fit. Apart from that, great poem.
-Keep writing!
-Ross
damn I accediantly didn't press review soz about this
Great poem, I loved the human imagery used in the poem. Like the part, 'it screams, it shouts.' I loved that part, and I loved how the whole poem rhymed. With the part' it hurts so bad, it bleeds, it moans,' I think that could of been a little better. A list just doesn't seem to fit. Apart from that, great poem.
-Keep writing!
-Ross