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Hello ^_^ I like the poem you wrote. I can see the message you were trying to convey. The choice of words are very poetic, vague but at the same time, vivid. I also like that a part of it was written figuratively, which are commonly used in poetry. I do suggest you add a bit more detail to it because sometimes if something is written too vague, it could lead to other ideas you weren't trying to deliver. Though other than that, it is a Lovely poem. I hope to read more from you!
Really, really good job here!! I love how you didn't really worry about rhyming, but made it all flow so well just by getting the syllables and form correct. I also liked how you ended with a dramatic effect. Very dramatic, I might say. I can hear your message and feel a different kind of emotion coming from this.
Once again, I say that this is a wonderful poem.
I give you five stars.
~Rainn
Hi Petals!
This was a very nice poem. Rhyming is not my thing usually (if I do, it sounds like nonsense) so kudos for that. You kept the pace of the poem the same. I'm not getting the clearest image I can from this poem so I certainly suggest you rethink how to show your reader what you want to say. You don't necessarily have to do this but every single of us writers must come to terms that we have to rewrite. (Personally I hate it but still I do it) Your poem is already great and a little revision will make it shine! Thanks for sharing
Thanks for the advice, next time I'll try to make it clear what I want to say, I have previously had trouble with conveying my thoughts through into a piece of writing, but I'm glad you pointed it out and I'll work on it, thanks.
Hi there. You said you were looking for reviews. ; ) I'm not very good at reviewing poetry, but I can try.
You have a nice little poem here. I like the title, the imagery, the message. But there could be more. You could make this longer and add even more imagery.
Also, you make one rhyme, head/instead, but nothing else rhymes. Poems totally don't have to rhyme, so I would suggest taking out the rhyme.
That's all! Keep writing! c:
Prolix