Published May 21, 2008
Keeping to myself is hard,
especially now God chose your life as a discard.
What happened to happy,
what happened to you and me?
After you slipped away from me,
why couldn't the others see?
There was nothing left of you,
not even a memory.
Even I couldn't see it at the start either,
but I knew your unhappiness went much deeper.
The hate you raised seemed to be from hell itself,
I knew you couldn't stop yourself.
And who was I,
to tell you why you shouldn't die?
Who was I to tell you to live your life,
who was I to tell you you had a life?
But why would you cause so much pain,
if you knew it would cause others to cry out in vain?
Did you know they would walk in on the horrible sight,
of all that was left of you such a fright.
Or did you know that the redness,
could never be cleansed of us?
Unable to cry,
because the last thing we wanted was for you to die.
All the questions of why screaming inside,
all I want to do is run and hide.
To come back to see that nothing actually happened,
and all the horror I had imagined.
Open a featured work or folder and click its Feature status to unfeature it and free up a slot.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,437 Literary Works • 674,445 Reviews
Okay, hi again. This was good but I saw a couple of things that didn't make sense.
That sentence doesn't sound right. Which makes it look like your pushing the rhyming.
Also, you should you stanzas and not just spacing out each line of the poem.
I liked the message you're sending and I liked how you ended the poem. Just polish it and it'll be fine.
Good Job.
~Rachael
First and for most, I want to say welcome to the young writers society!
For some odd reason, I liked and disliked this poem. I don't know why though. I guess I have to think about it more or I just need to read it again. Anyway, I hope all your future posts be great and best wishes!