Lies of our Hearts [Chapter I]

I tied my hair up with the red string from the laces of my porcelain doll. The black scarf Lydia gave me hung around my neck. It was too long and too big for me to wear when I received it as a child but now, it fits perfectly. My chest was bound by bandages underneath the shirt I borrowed from Elion. The pants I wore were tucked under the leather boots that stretched until my knees. I looked at myself through the full length mirror as I buttoned the cuffs of my sleeve.

“Are you ready?”

“Not yet.”

I reached for the waistcoat and put it on. As unsettling as it was wearing someone else’s clothes, I had to bear with it.

“May I come in?” Elion asked from behind the door.

“Yes.”

The door creaked open and I heard Elion’s cautious footsteps enter the room. I turned around to show Elion my facade.

“What?” I asked, raising my brow upon seeing him wide-eyed.

“Nothing,” he said. “I just thought you were someone else.”

“Do I really look that different?”

“Yeah.”

I buttoned up the waist coat then drew back the curtains. Daylight entered through glass, projecting my silhouette on the wall. My feminine figure has been subdued in a man’s clothing. Although it is not well built, it does look male.

I saw my reflection in the mirror. The silver key that hung around my neck gleamed in the morning light and so did the hilt of dagger I hid beneath my coat. Everything would have been perfect if not for my face.

“Elion,” I called.

“Yes?”

“How do I look?”

Elion inspected me with his green eyes. He walked around me in circles and halted beside me. We turned to look at each other eye to eye.

“You seem like a young man at least, but you will definitely be found out with that face.”

“What can you suggest?” I asked anxiously.

Elion folded his arms. “Cover your face.”

“But won’t I look suspicious?”

“Just say that you’re sick or something.”

The neighing of horses broke our conversation. I ran to the window and saw a coach pulled by several steeds stop over to the front porch. Have they come to pick me up?

Elion quickly knelt by the bed and pulled out a wooden suitcase.

“Take this with you,” he said, handing it to me.

“Thanks.”

We hurried out the room and down the stairs. The rest of my family stood by the entrance talking to a man in dark blue uniform. His pale blue eyes were cold. He was tall and looked young for a ranked official. Only ranked soldiers were sent to escort nobles.

My sisters giggled and laughed while conversing with him. He smiled back at them. From where I was, I could see my sisters blush. What were they looking at? I wonder.

His smile, his words, and flattery, they were all fake, not to mention, his politeness. I could tell by the look in his eyes.

Elion and I quietly tried to reach the entrance. Our footsteps were silent but the man noticed. I lifted the scarf to cover the lower half of my face as Elion and I walked forward.

I put a hand on Elion’s shoulder and looked the man strait in the eye. His eyes were cold. Even though he was smiling, I could see the cruelty in his eyes. He smirked at the sight of me, he knew, he could tell that we share the same hatred.

“I didn’t know you had another son,” he said, eyeing me.

“Son?” my mother asked him curiously. “How did you know?”

“That young man heading our way,” he pointed out.

Mother peeked at us then quickly looked at him.

“Oh no,” she shook her head. “I have only but one son but he is bedridden.” She paused for a moment. “That,” she emphasized “is Valisa.”

He scrutinized me for a while then cleared his throat.

“Well then, since she’s here, I’ll be excusing myself.”

He tilted his cap and turned his back towards them. He walked to the entrance.

“Let’s go,” he whispered as he passed me.

I hurried over outside.

“Wait!” someone called. Although the voice sounded frail, it did stop us from leaving.

We all set our eyes on the small boy who stood out of breath down at the end of the stair case. It was Leon. He was struggling to walk towards me, quivering as he made his way across the hall. He was out of bed. As frail as he was, he still came to see me off. Somehow, it made me happy. He was one of the few people I trusted and loved.

“Sister,” he gasped. “Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

Leon tugged me by the sleeves.

“It’s okay Leon,” I said. “I’ll be back, but by then you’ll be all grown up.”

The soldier gestured me to go. I followed him to the coach as Elion opened the coach door for me, trying to force a smile. I patted him on the head.

“Elion,” I called, trying to hold back tears.

“Milady, be strong, I will take you away from there.”

I hugged Elion and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Elion’s tears felt warm. I comforted him until he stopped.

“Now, now,” I consoled.

“A man should not cry, right?” He wiped the tears off his eyes.

“There are times when you have to be strong but you should also let it all out,” I assured.

However, I have to keep my tears to myself. I have to look strong in front of those who want my down fall. I have to act strong for those who care for me. And, I have to be strong for what is yet to come.

I looked up and noticed the man holding up the door for me.

“How long have you been there?” I asked.

“Quite some time now,” he answered coldly.

I gave Elion another pat on the head then entered the coach. The door was shut. After a while, the horses pulled the coach away from home.

My brother Leon, I’m sorry for leaving you all alone. I will no longer be there to defend you. Nor will I be able to comfort you. So please be strong.

Lydia, my nurse, do not grieve over someone like me. Thank you for raising me in my parent’s stead. I am truly grateful for everything you have done for me until now. But I can stand on my own two legs so please, do not worry. I will be fine.

My sisters, Amelia and Anna, I hope you both will live a happy life now that I am gone. I wish both of you luck.

My parents, lift your head in honor, you can live without shame. Thank you for sheltering me up until now.

Lastly, Elion, please wait for me, I will be back.

After five years, I will surely be back, but by then, I hope everyone would have forgotten about me.

I rested my head on the walls of the coach, closing my eyes as I whispered to myself.

“Farewell.”

*

The stars glowed through the darkness. It was a moonless night. The horses stopped at a valley filled with purple flowers.

“Get out,” the soldier commanded, opening the door.

I hopped out, greeted by the thick fragrance of lavender. I looked around but there was no town in sight.

“Let’s take a break here.”

I nodded then walked through the fields of flowers. I let my back fall on the pile of purple plants. The sky was vast, filling me with sorrow. The night was cold but the pain I carried with me felt colder. I sat up, trying to soothe the bitterness of my heart by crossing my arms over my chest. I hugged myself to keep the cold away.

A dark blue uniform was place on my back. I turned to look.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“No,” he said, sitting beside me.

“What should I call you?”

“There is no need for you to know my name,” he said.

I brought by legs closer, and leaned my head on my knees. “I see.”

The wind that blew across the valley scattered the scented air around us.

After a moment of silence, he sighed. “Just call me Lieutenant.”

I nodded and lay on the flowers, my back towards him. My eyelids were heavy, I felt strangely tired. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. But my voice wouldn’t leave my throat and my tears had dried out. My eyes shut close. I felt a nudge. I could hear someone talk. Was he trying to wake me? But I can barely move.

I felt like I was lifted from the ground.

*

I felt really comfortable, as if I was lying on my own bed. Wasn’t I supposed to be brought to the northern prison? Oh well. I put my arms around the hard cushion like how I held my pillow. It was warm.

“Wake up.”

Huh? I tightened my grip like how I did with my pillow when someone tried to wake me up. But somehow, I felt like I was constricting something. I forced my eyes open, quickly releasing my grasp, painfully falling to the ground. Luckily the flowers softened my fall; else I would have broken my back. I felt weak and ached all over.

The lieutenant choked, gasping for breath. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“What was I doing?” I gasped, aghast.

“You were asleep,” he choked. “Or so I thought.”

“But I was,” I explained, confused. “I was.”

He offered a hand. I took it and got on my feet. I struggled to move forward, tripping on a rock. The lieutenant caught me before I reached the ground.

“Careful.”

I regained my balance and made my way to the coach. I slumped back on the seat and rested as the coach pulled away. My intuition was telling me I had to go back. I had a feeling I had lost something. There was an empty feeling around my neck. What was it? But still, I was tired enough that I can’t even lift a finger.

*

Ever since I left home, I’ve been thinking, what if I wasn’t born? Everything would have been much easier, even for me.

I have always been alone as a child. I was born with golden hair and silver eyes. Neither my father nor my mother had any of those traits. My sisters had brownish-red locks, like mothers. Leon had pale blonde hair like fathers. They all shared a pair of blue eyes.

Lydia told me that on the day I was born, my family accepted me; they treated me as one of them. But by the time I turned one, when my hair grew, father accused mother of adultery. Mother was confused, she denied being with another man. Father tried to search for the man who violated her but it was all in vain. All they could do was avert their eyes from me, pretend I didn’t exist. It seemed like a childish act to me even now but even so, I am thankful they decided to raise me instead of disposing of me. I wonder, why did they decide to rid of me now?

*

I don’t know how long I was asleep but when I woke up, the sun was already rising. The path we travelled was smooth.

There was a town not far away. As we neared the town, I could see the sea in the distance. Soon, I will be leaving my motherland.

*

“Sorry, this is as far as I can take you,” the lieutenant apologized as he opened the door of the coach. I grabbed my suitcase and hopped out, stretching my arms.

The waves from the clear blue sea crashed against the rocks. Not a single cloud was seen on the blue skies where the sun blazed warmly. It would have been perfect if not for the salty smell of seawater and the hot humid air that suffocated me.

We walked along the port until we were in the shadow if a large ship.

“You’re pretty calm for someone being sent to the gates of hell.”

“Gates of hell?” I flinched.

“You didn’t know,” he exclaimed, taken aback. “The prison you are headed for is the worst one of all.”

“How come?”

“That’s-”

“Lieutenant,” a man called from behind. “Have you brought the convict?”

The lieutenant straitened his posture, lifted his head and saluted. “Yes.”

I felt a strong grip on my shoulders that forced me to turn around. Warm breaths went against my cheeks. I was looking at a man face to face. The distance between us was too close. I stumbled back, falling to the ground in surprise. I lifted my head, meeting his gaze. His eyes were green. They were cold, almost cruel. But what caught my attention was the darkness that hid beneath them. Are all soldiers like this? I wonder.

I was too stunned to look away. He stared at my fall with a similar astonishment.

“Stand,” he finally commanded after a long pause.

I got on my feet and dusted the dirt off my waistcoat.

“Follow me.”

I cautiously trailed behind him keeping a distance of several steps away.

We boarded the ship leading to the island. The masts towered above us like the tall oaks we had at home. Every step I took made the floor boards creak beneath my boots. The warm breezes of the sea guided the ship through its white sails.

I sat in a corner, staring far into the clear blue skies. Surely, it will take a while to reach the island, a few days perhaps?