Young Writers Society

I liked how your line breaks were slightly off. However, it would have improved the flow of your poem if there were a few more commas in certain places. I'd qoute it and show you where I mean, but I don't know how to do that. Also, I don't believe poems have to rhyme-I actually hate writing poems that rhyme, and I don;t think there is a length requirement. Overall, I thought it was nice.

Hey there Korseld! Welcome to YWS! You'll have great joy here (if you don't suck )
Anyway, I'm Kat and I'm going to review your piece
Your theme is a very good theme. But you didn't displayed it in the best way.
Your imagery was weak. You did not made the reader (in this case me) feel what you felt. I couldn't even understand.

It's snowing. [And?]
And as the snowflakes fall [It would sound better without the and]
to the surface of the earth so do I. [Confusing. Maybe consider reword it]
The pieces of you are gone and [Again, maybe remove the and]
all alone I stand here. [and if you remove the and on the line above reword this]
Remembering.
I think of the past [maybe reword this. it seems that doesn't fit]
and how I lost you to heaven.
I know you are always with me, but [put the but in the line below]
still I feel like this. [like this? How exactly?]
It's snowing.
And as the snowflakes fall [Remove the and. it sounds better]
to the surface of the earth I die. [WOW. Tragic. maybe develop this a bit more]