Prologue
We all believe that there is a special someone out there for us; depending on how far we are in life, we don't know who he or she is. They could be a hard working business man, or maybe they'd still be living with their parents, and that's all right with me, because I know that God will put me with the right one - the one I'm supposed to be with for forever.
I've gone through many men in my life; some were nice, cute, and treasurable, though others were bad and abusive. But there were twelve men that stuck out the most to me. Those twelve men each gave me one rose, one kiss, and one good memory to remember...
That is what I'm writing about.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,751 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh this is a neat little prologue. Its not too often you tend to run into something quite like this where we've got what seems almost like a bit of a personal message from the author of a journal that's about to embark on this journey of what seems almost like self reflection in some sense. Its a powerful little start here.
I think you manage to bring the idea of this pretty neatly here. The way you describe the kind of love this person has experience over the plays in quite nicely I think to really establish how varied and long of a life this person must have led at this point and quite how many people have changed and affected this person's life to then be able to sit down and write about so many that seemed to have changed things in a positive light.
So overall I think you end up painting us a pretty nice picture, one that's intriguing enough that I believe I would definitely love to find out more about these people. The single rose idea there is in itself also adding an extra layer of mystery because you wonder if each of these people connected to each other in some way or if the rose is more of symbol than a literal rose.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This is something catchy and I think you are excited of posting your idea on the site and receiving remarks but you should have included Chapter 1 in the same post. We would like more to read.
Comments/Remarks:
You mispelled 'prologue'. Anyone could easily fix this.
In formal English, 'Alright' should be written as two words - 'All right'.
A very minor error here - Put a space between the words when putting dashes/hyphens if the words aren't supposed to be connected.
You should have typed ones not one's.
There should be a comma after 'But' or you should have connected it with the sentence before it. Also, the 2nd to the last sentence is a fragment. You should have connected it to the prior sentence with a dash/hyphen. The very last sentence should also be connected too, or, you should have put a comma after and.
P.S.
You're idea is great and the title is ever-catchy. Keep writing!
Hi Septemb,
I'm Izzy
I agree with the above, this should be a prologue.
I will give you a review anyway but what I recommend is writing a longer chapter then piecing the two together on this post. If you ever want to do that there will be an edit button in the corner of your post, just click that.
I think this would work better as once sentence. If you replace the first period with a semi colon that should do the trick
Other than that I think you should make this more personal to her. Not everyone belives there is a special someone out there for us but obviously she does. Since this is in the first person I would just change the two "we" to "I"
Okay so you've done two things here, you've determined that she is religious and that this story is set now. It's nice but a little simple, expand a little. Develop her character more, at the moment we don't know much about her.
I have a bit of a problem with this because she obviously isn't young but you refer to a very young stereotypes of people (goth, geek, jock), only really used by this generation. I also think you should end with "one rose" instead of "one good memory to remember", after all it's the title of the story. If you put it at the beginning it isn't going to make much impact, at the end it will leave the reader hanging.
All in all a nice beginning with a lot of room for character development and description. At the moment it is still, someones thoughts. In the next chapter it would be nice to bring it out of her head.
Feel free to pm me with any questions about YWS,
Izzy
I think you should write more. I like the title. But I have one question, how am i able to awnser the poll, i dont know if theres even a girl min the story. So if you write more I would deff. read it. So please, please, please write more=].
--Jessie.
Hello there!
Welcome to YWS, I'm Angel of Death, but please call me Angel.
First off, polls are not a good way to attract readers. People usually see them and decide not to read your story and plus, your poll seems really random. It seems like you want to tell us about your character when you really only have a few paragraphs here, so we won't be able to tell much about her.
I love the title though.
Personally, I wouldn't read anything like this. There's not much to go on and this seems more like a prologue than a first chapter.
If this was a first chapter and it were a book, no one would pick this up. It needs depth. We need to be hooked in. Here, it's lacking everything a story needs.
Right now, I don't care about your character. I don't even know her to care about her. Work on hook, make this longer. Please, I don't mean to be harsh, but if you're going to tell a story, tell it. Don't cheat us.
PM me if you have any questions and keep writing,
~Angel