Hey! This is really my first- and only- attempt at this style, so go easy on me, please?! But if something is inexcusably wrong, don't hesitate to say so. That is all. Anoia OUT.
Hera
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
Those timeless words, so simple in their sweet compliment,
That yet do not justice to one such face as yours.
More apt, perhaps, to compare to a violet sunset,
Or yet more alike, that ecstasy of a stolen kiss.
A summer’s day, in all its glory, pales before your coveted smile.
So I put to you this: Compare not to a summer’s day,
Nor a sunset, or kiss, but to the beauty of creation,
For only in the splendid design of life can be found parallel to your own sweet perfection.
Take my unworthy hand, so presumptuously reaching out,
And grace with the act my rough and callused fingers across your own soft palm,
In so doing, gentling my raw and aching heart.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
Nay, for not by a single article can your beauty be explained,
But by all the world and the glorious creatures upon it.
I would have to list every item of pretty nature,
And denote each moment when the grand design of the world came together,
For only in harmony can every one of these equal your own radiance.
Alas, my love, to make any earthly comparison is to do you wrong,
So I must beg that you accept my most humble words,
In apology for these unworthy descriptions, and in gesture of my unceasing love.
While I agree on the note Hero has on cliche, I wouldn't say that you've "stolen" that line. Anyone who's well-read will catch the reference and not think "Wow, what an original line." It's an allusion to another piece, that's all.
But anyway, this is too cliche for my taste as well. I've never truly been a fan of modern Old-English poems, simply because I think it's more meaningful when a person draws from their own experience - therefore, their own time and place. Otherwise it seems a little dry and unemotional. But this is all just my opinion. Some people will love this, some people will hate this. It's written relatively well, but people on my side of things will also find it a little tacky and melodramatic, not to mention outdated. Nonetheless there will be others who will feel the exact opposite, as crazycraz did.
In any case, keep writing!
I don't like this and not because you don't have the capicity to write well. Simply, I hate cliche and thats all this is. I sorta had a bias to your poem the first line I read. I realize you quote the most famous sonnet in the world but that dosnt compinsate that you stole it.
also, did you write this one as well?
http://gtamontgomery.blogspot.com/2012/ ... oetry.html
I must say, AWESOMELY AWESOME. So good, a sunset would look like glitter set next to the awesomeness of what you just did. (See what I did there? Don't worry; your free to use it.) I loved that you used Old English to hint about a possible setting and/or timezone, plus Old English just plain sounds cool. You should start doing that more often.