Across the warm waters that flow beneath the majestic sky,
Alongside the king of the winged, mighty and high
You flow, with your cool and comforting breeze
A whiff of your mesmerizing touch,
And all the worldly perils vanish
As we drift into an illusion of absolute peace and complete purity
Where nothingness and ecstasy prevail in unparalleled harmony
And where every second is filled with silence of such
That every beat of the heart is like an echo in a lonely winter cave
A place where loneliness refuses to enter
A sanctuary, with your timeless reign
Where sadness seems non-existent and speech causes pain.
Alas, yet! The arduous journey of reality is chosen,
By the most unnerving creation of divinity
Howbeit, your presence remains throughout,
Eternal, everlasting.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This poem was very good.
I don't think this has anything to do with your message, but,
"Alongside the king of the winged, mighty and high"
When I read that line, I instantly thought Skyrim. Not important, but it made the poem better
"As we drift into an illusion of absolute peace and complete purity
Where nothingness and ecstasy prevail in unparalleled harmony
And where every second is filled with silence of such
That every beat of the heart is like an echo in a lonely winter cave
A place where loneliness refuses to enter"
These lines were beautiful. Not only did they paint very vivid pictures in my mind, they also told a lot of stories. They spoke to me. You have a good combination of descriptive words that really bring out the emotion of the poem.
"Alas, yet! The arduous journey of reality is chosen,
By the most unnerving creation of divinity
Howbeit, your presence remains throughout,
Eternal, everlasting."
How true to life. Our dreams are not reality. But I like that you put "...arduous journey of reality is chosen." That line brings it all together, making it something that, while there is despair and perhaps some pain behind it, there is not mirth, not hate towards life, but rather a more quiet contemplation. This is the message I get from it.
Your poem flows well, and there's not any one point where I thought it just didn't fit, which is difficult to do. Very good work.
Thank you AnniePotter68!
Thank you so much! You don't know how encouraging it was read such a nice review.
Thank you once again for taking the time to review my humble work.
I'm glad you found it worth your time!
Hi Anniepotter, Shauzer here, a pleasure to be reviewing this beautiful poem.
This piece should be an inspiration to young aspiring poets everywhere, a testament to what goo writing should be. As I was reading this i could picture the whole thing, the flying, the silence, the peace. Where did you come up with the idea for this? When i write - although, I don't do poems - I usually start writing not knowing what I'm writing about. Is this the case here? The flow in this poem is never ending, to quote your poem, it is 'Eternal, everlasting.' You have a strange ability to keep a reader entranced, only seen in some of the greatest poets. I can't seem to find anything wrong with it, a perfect piece. You are a beautiful poet, and it would be a huge shame to stop writing. I've done about five or six reviews in the last two days, and found a few that were what i would consider excellent. It's quite annoying actually, I haven't found any that I can critic lately and my reviews are starting to resemble each other. But this poem, its brilliance is unparalleled by any I've seen so far. The imagery, the flow, the last line... it's great. Well done, please keep writing.
Your fellow YWSer,
TS
Thank you! You have no idea how much time I took to finish this poem. My first rough copy was very long and it took me so much of time to find the befitting words for each line to exhibit my mental picture to perfection in writing.
I don't exactly know where I got the inspiration from actually. It started out like most of my poems- I was just scribbling a few rhyming words during a free period which turned into this work of art.
I really am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you once again, for taking the time to review my poem.
I'm happy you thought it was worth your time.
Definitely, beautiful piece
Well done