The sun shines every morning just to get a look at you, the rain falls when God sheds his tears for you. Even when your sad, just change your mood and be glad, for everything will be alright.
You may be at the bottom broken from sin but, I can help raise you up again. You should love for you are loved, maybe through a smile that will last just a while....always remember
The sun shines every morning just to get a look at you, the rain falls when God sheds his tears for you, even when your sad, just change your mood ad be glad for everything will be alright.
When you smile, you look so happy, meanwhile your friend may be crying and sad, just spread the love and give some joy. You can tell them..
The sun shines every morning just to get a look at you, the rain falls when God sheds his tears for you. Even when your sad, just change your mood and be glad for everything will b alright... you are why the sun shines
********authors note********
So..Yay my first work on here, I hope that I am welcomed with open arms. I try my best to write and I would love to have your opinion. Thank you so so much for taking the time to read my poem why the sun shines.. i hope you like it and tell me how i can improve. Message me if you wana talk ir if you want to know more about my works
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140,774 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
I am so sad this was my account but i forgot my password...silly me...so i am going to copy the poem onto this account and take your advice thank you so much for commenting...if you were going to follow that account please follow this one.. i am going to love this website already!!! I can tell
I really like how it sounded it was really smooth!
Hello, its me!
First of all, welcome to YWS and I am so glad that you are enjoying it so far! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or need help with anything.
I loved this poem! It was very interesting and I enjoyed reading it. My favorite line that said was "The sun shines every morning just to get a look at you, the rain falls when God sheds his tears for you." It's very sweet and I loved the way you used repetition.
It was very cute and optimistic.
Overall this is a very well written poem, I hope you continue you writing things as beautiful as this.
Goodbye, Have a nice day!!!
-EmilyStarks
Annie first off welcome to YWS, second for a newbie your obviously not a noob. your work is awesome. you have a great topic and this is something I could easily read any day I'm feeling down. there are few grammar mistakes. but on this day you have shown the world your amazing, your wonderful, your beautiful piece of work, and shown you will ride with the best of the best. follow your path of amazing and rise up keep going and you'll be there in no time at all. welcome to YWS Annie.
Hey there Anniepoo102. It's just lizzy dropping real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
1. So first off, you stated this was a song that could also work as a poem. If you want it as a poem I think you need to break down the lines a bit. For instance look at the first line. I think it would be better if split into at least 2 maybe 3 separate lines. I have listed one possible way below.
I don't have that much experience when it comes to breaking lines, but I think it's supposed to happen at the commas. This way the reader was going to pause anyway so it sounds the same even thought it was shifted to another line.
The same method could be used for your second line as well.
See what I did up there. I split the lines so line 1 and line 2 would rhyme at the end and to me it sound better that way.
I think the poem would better if you split it like this, it would appear to be long, and it would be much easier to read.
2. Though your poem did not have any major grammar or spelling mistakes, it was the little ones that really got under my skin and bothered me.
The you're and your mistake came up a couple of times so just be more careful proofreading next time.
3. The title needs a little bit of work as well. It is a very interesting title that fits the piece perfectly I just think it would be better to capitalize more of the words.
Perhaps use Why the Sun Shines
That title seems more appealing to me.
4. Well that's about all I have for today. Welcome to YWS! I am sure the next reviewer will welcome you as well. Why don't you head over to the forums and create an introduction post.
Best of luck to you.
-lizzy
Ok, time for some feedback.
The idea is nice, the naming of the poem is nice, the message is nice. But the delivery is not, some basic grammatical mistakes. For example You used "Your" instead of "You're". Remember that "You're" is short for "You are". A few typos like spelling "And" as "Ad". Just simple corrections that are easily done. So my advice is keep writing, but make sure you do a simple spell check, especially with a work as short as this it shouldn't take very long. I like the final line the most, it's a sweet sentiment. Good for a first work, I welcome you with open arms, and my following. We'll be sure to improve together since I'm fairly new here as well.