Young Writers Society

AWESOME!!! I loved how you made the rhyme scheme, and how it started off happy and light, then turned to darkness and fear. Good vocabulary and use of stanzas as well. I loved the line "The time is poison in one's skin." It is deep, has a lot of meanings, and reminds me of how older people (near 80's or so) might think of it that way, not wanting to age more. The last line certainly is eye-catching, and this poem is very cool. Loved this writing! Keep on doing it!
If you'd like, you can check out some of my work. Anyways, congrats! Another satisfied poet reading a different poet's work.
No negatives here. Nothing wrong with this.

Hello! Elysium here with a review.

So really this isn't bad. Other than the poem's worst enemy, the flaws.

Just like the night is lacking sun

The day is stripped of starry skies.

Forgotten breath, remorse there’s none

A lost sensation, a game of lies.

The story told one time again.

A darker light is shining through.

The loss, the torture, foe and friend.

Uncharted body wet with due.

All bleeding thoughts are seeping out.

The numbness leaves - the body stays.

The silence fills the field and shouts.

Awoken son begins the chase.

Hello! My name is Corralynn, I will be your editor today! I'll start with the bad and then get to the good

"The story told (a) time again
(And) a darker light is shining through.
The loss, the torture, (a) foe and (a) friend.
Uncharted bod(ies) wet with (dew)."
I changed this stanza a little. I thought these little additions made the stanza flow better and also I assume you meant "dew" as in "trees wet with morning dew" over "I had a paper due last monday", please correct me if I'm wrong.

"(The) awkoen (awoken) son begins the chase" misspelled word.
"Till one is found and (the) other fails" A few other little add ins.

The Good: I really enjoyed this! You have a way with poetry and this story really rang through my mind well and I could picture the whole thing in my mind. Kind of like a story book opening and seeing the words turning into pictures until the book closes again. I also loved the idea of the story changing over time from good to bad, kind of like how a stories interpretation changes. LOVE IT!
I just had those few little edits. I found that the poem felt a little choppy in sections and by adding a few "a"s and "and"s it really helped it flow better!

I look forward to reading more from you! Keep writing!
Corralynn!