The calmness of this night,
Sets me thinking about you...
This very patience of nature,
Silences my worries...
The cold wind playing with my hair,
Brings a whiff of your fragrance...
Every constellation visible,
Brings a glimpse of your smiling face...
And I ask just one question from myself,
Have I fallen for you?
The sleepy flowers,
They invite me to a world of dreams...
I feel you...
Whispering a melodious lullaby to me,
Just near my ear...
The softness of your lap,
Takes me to another planet...
And then, swiftly and slowly,
Putting a blanket of love around me,
You walk away...
With that enchanting smile,
Dripping from your lips...
The calmness of night returns again...
And I ask just one question from myself,
Have I fallen for you?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,798 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
I normally am not a big fan of poems, but you intrigued me! I loved the way you made me visualize every sentence! You did and amazing job and it sounds like you have some serious feelings for whoever you wrote this for. I hope everything works out with you and them.
Thanks a lot Yami! Well maybe you are right. You need an inspiration to write someting.
Hello! I'm SecreteJournalist, but feel free to call me Brie. Are you enjoying the site so far? Anyways, I'm here for a quick review on your poem!
I want to start off with this section. I feel like you should switch the last two lines and the first two lines. We know this person whispers in the main characters ear, but yet, we didn't know that you were sitting in his lap. This changes the imagery quickly, and leaves the flow a little bit shaky.
Maybe it's just me, but this line sounds a little bit off.
I love this stanza. The message is great, and yes, it leaves the reader saying "Yea, you have fallen for the unknown person." The dots after certain lines throw me off, but that's alright.
I do like the way you worded this though, almost as if we can view the writers thoughts and dreams. Good work! I'd like to see more from you!
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Thanks a lot Brie!
And the part about switching the lines was really helpful.
I will surely work on that.
I an enjoying a lot here!
YES! I do like it. In fact you could say I have fallen for it. To be completely honest I thought this would be another try-hard romantic poem but it wasn't, it was actually well written and beautiful. I can actually feel myself feeling some of the things in this poem and I like it. I think that you also have a pretty good flow, it's engaging and interesting. Ending with a question is a great way to leave people wanting more even if there isn't really anything left. You should write more because I want to read more of what you have to write. I would love to interview you if you have time. PM me, I will be waiting.
Thanks for your beautiful comment.
Its encouraging!