Young Writers Society

Hey there. Haven't read previous parts, so just going to roll with what I see here.

So, unless my memory is very wrong, this is pretty much a rewrite of Star Wars IV with one extra character, Chie (an OC?). Interesting.

I notice you don't deviate too much from the original movie dialogue and stuff, and while I like the adherence to canon, and I realize I haven't read the rest of this so this may not apply, I'm just going to say to be careful of sticking too close to the actual plot. The thing is, each character in any given film is there for a reason. If Chie can be added into Star Wars IV without significantly altering the overall plotline, then she's a redundant character, and redundant characters are boring and to some readers annoying. If Chie doesn't grab the reader's attention, if Chie isn't essential and doesn't cause new and interesting things to happen, then the reader will be left wondering why they didn't just go watch the actual Star Wars.

As far as other things go, I noticed you're head-hopping. Specifically, you switched at least once between Han's and Chie's thoughts, randomly and for a very brief period of time. If you're trying to do omniscient, that's not how it works. Unfortunately, there's a severe lack of articles on YWS on the topic (I've been meaning to write one, but time is a thing I do not have), but this offsite article is one I have bookmarked for reference on this sort of thing: Using Third Person Omniscient

The golden protocol unit wasn’t the bravest of droids, and was quick to celebrate the fact that they had made it to hyperspace in one piece.

Have no review for this! This was very good!

Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a review as requested!

Let me just say that the story is progressing well. I like how you have inserted Chie so seamlessly into the story. Her presence on the Falcon changes the narrative of the original story, but to me, it changes it in a positive manner. I like her and her interaction between Luke and Obi-Wan. As for Han, well, Han is Han.

Now I did notice some minor niggly issues early on in this piece of work.

(Han leaned back in his seat as the ships entered hyperspace.)

It should be: Han leant back into his seat as the ship entered hyperspace.

One more thing:
(“We ain’t out of this yet, Flyboy.” Chie replied, “We still have to get to Alderaan on one piece.”)

There should be a fullstop after replied, not a comma.

All in all, this was a good piece of work. I cannot wait to see what will happen when they all get aboard the Death Star. I would like to see how you inject Chie into the situation.