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Untangled (Chapter 1)Age 16 recomended

by Anma


Chapter 1

Bakarna sat on her bed, her dark red hair pulled up in a messy bun. She had her earbuds in blasting music.The smell of pot came from downstairs in her parent's room. They were high again, they usually went on transits when they stopped smoking. But when something wrong happens, or they get into a fight, they start back up again. The smell used to be sickening, but Bakarna got used to it. Bakarna saw Malory coming up the stairs. His eyes sparkled as she saw him.

“Hey,” he said opening the door open the rest of the way.

Bakarna looked back down at her phone “hey” she responded.

He popped on the bed beside her, “what you doing.”

Bakarna held up her phone showing him the music.

“Going through my playlist” she answered putting it back down.

She looked at him “what are you doing here?”

Malory tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, “to see you” he whispered.

Bakarna's ear tickled, she pulled back from him standing up.

“You hungry?” she asked heading toward the door.

Malory followed behind her down the stairs, “not really.”

Bakarna still started toward the kitchen. Their house was small, and mostly open space. The floor was mostly gone leaving cold concrete underneath her feet. She reached the counter and was reaching for a cup when he grabbed her hips pulling her to him.

“Are you avoiding me?” he asked pulling her close.

She tried to get away, but his grip was too tight, “no” she said, “I’m just thirsty.”

He looked at her with a distrusting look but let go of her.

“Prove it,” he said, “The guys and I are going out tonight, that’s why I came here to see if you want to go.”

Bakarna looked at him startled “what if my parents say I can’t go?” she said.

He let out a giggle “I know your parents” he said “they never keep you, they don’t care what you do”’

That hit Bakarna hard like she’d just been hit in the gut.

“Fine,” she said, “let me just go ask.”

The smell got stronger as she got closer to the room. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer.

“Mom?” she cracked it, they lay on the bed Carels face smeared in lipstick.

She swallowed “Malory wanted to know if I could go out with him tonight.”

Her dad looked irritated that they had been interrupted. “Go” he slid out, her mother answer “go ahead, sweety.”

Bakarna could see Malory smirking behind her, no innocent look behind it. She rolled her eyes, closing the door.

“I can go,” she said turning to him.

He folded his arms “ I heard.”

They stood there in silence for a moment then he grabbed her hand “let's go.”

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39 Reviews

Points: 703
Reviews: 39

Thu Apr 18, 2019 1:38 am
queenofscience wrote a review...

Hi. I read this because it was in the 'health' section. So far, I don't know how this relates to this catagory, but I think this will be clear later on.

When I read that her parents did pot, I was like 'How dare they.' It was a surprise. Sorry if I offended anyone. I was just worried for our main character.

I wonder what your main character is going to do with her friend.

Keep writing!

Anma says...

Its mostly about drugs, alcohol, and relationship problems with her family and boyfriend. I may change it up though..

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19 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 19

Mon Apr 15, 2019 10:50 pm
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itsCate wrote a review...

Hello! I am Cate here to give a review.

From the few spelling errors and the short story. It was really good, maybe add some more detail, help the readers understand what you are writing about. I would love some more emotion to that would be great. Over all it was really good! Keep it up!

Keep Writing!

Love from, Cate

Anma says...

Thank you!

itsCate says...


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126 Reviews

Points: 7270
Reviews: 126

Mon Apr 15, 2019 2:35 am
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xJade says...

I'm actually fangirling over this! Tag me when part two is up, please :)
Your friend,
Jade ;)

Anma says...

kk, thanks!

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Points: 0
Reviews: 1

Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:35 pm
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Briely says...

This is really good!

All i got to say is slow the pass.
Give more detail, also there is a few spelling errors!
Its really good!

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot