Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Humor

E - Everyone

Pain

by Anma


Our body's meant to pull away, when we start to feel the pain.

Apparently our heart doesn't react that way.

For some reason you still want to stay.

-

Your brain take's control of your body.

But your heart only follows your love.

You get told your meant for each other.

But your not to the stars up above.

-

Your eyes follow each other.

Just like you follow your lover.

You stick through the pain.

You stick with each other.

-

Your mother thinks its not okay.

Your body seems to feel the same.

But your heart still goes its ways.

-

Your heart is poorly connected to your brain.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
427 Reviews


Points: 22290
Reviews: 427

Donate
Sun Apr 28, 2019 5:28 am
View Likes
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you like you asked.

Let's start.

I'm happy to say I didn't see anything wrong with the poem, so I am here to talk about the good things I saw about this poem.
Now I just love the emotion behind this story you are telling us, it was very strong and yet sad, and it just made the story feel more real. It flowed really well too, and I had a good image in my head. I have know idea how you come up with such good poems, you have quit a talent. And you know what the funny thing is, is that I ended up reading this as a song. I have no idea why, but I ended getting a really good tune in my head and ended up singing this. XD
the length to the poem was good, it was long enough to get all that needed to be said across. So great job.

Well that's all from me for now. I just loved reading and reviewing this for you. I do hope I will get another chance review another one of your works when you post again on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

Happy review day!!!




Anma says...


Lol, thank you. Also one more request.. can you check out sorry?it's a poem as well. The link is on my wall.





Sure!



User avatar


Points: 35
Reviews: 1

Donate
Sun Apr 21, 2019 10:21 pm
View Likes
Alexcarmine58 says...



Really enjoyed the poem it flowed well and had a good message.




User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 283
Reviews: 9

Donate
Sun Apr 21, 2019 3:20 pm
View Likes
Shakiraislam wrote a review...



Hey Shakira is here for review!
Well woah! Fam when I read that poem two songs rushed in my mind. Some parts. Both of them my favourites. "Why" and "Perfectly Wrong" by Shawn Mendes. Like how you brought up the fact that sometimes our heart and brain wants something different. It's always falling in love right? I loved this poem. It's like "why can't we just get over ourselves"
" You stick through the pain.

You stick with each other."
This part resembles so much. It just like my past life. Umm about a year ago. I wonder how you guys are so brilliant. Give me some tips too. Hoping to see more of your writings and see mine to. Love you xxx.




Anma says...


Aww! Thanks Shakiaislam!



User avatar
57 Reviews


Points: 548
Reviews: 57

Donate
Sat Apr 20, 2019 4:09 am
View Likes
1nspire says...



Hey, 1nspire here for a review!

I really liked the message in this poem. Love is mysterious and hard to understand sometimes and even through pain, it often emerges victorious. The rhyme scheme was interesting and added good flow to the piece.

A few minor grammatical fixes would really improve this poem. Firstly, “take’s” does not need an apostrophe and “your” should be you’re.

Onto the form, I think that the first line should be separated into two to continue the scheme that you have in the second and third stanzas. Similarly, it might be helpful to place the last line within the final stanza rather than on its own. I think this would improve the flow by establishing a clear pattern.

Aside from those minor detail, this piece was fantastic. I really appreciated the emotion and felt that it was easy to connect with each and every line. Amazing work, I look forward to reading more in the future. Have a great day!




Anma says...


Thanks!



User avatar
57 Reviews


Points: 548
Reviews: 57

Donate
Sat Apr 20, 2019 4:07 am
1nspire wrote a review...



Hey, 1nspire here for a review!

I really liked the message in this poem. Love is mysterious and hard to understand sometimes and even through pain, it often emerges victorious. The rhyme scheme was interesting and added good flow to the piece.

A few minor grammatical fixes would really improve this poem. Firstly, “take’s” does not need an apostrophe and “your” should be you’re.

Onto the form, I think that the first line should be separated into two to continue the scheme that you have in the second and third stanzas. Similarly, it might be helpful to place the last line within the final stanza rather than on its own. I think this would improve the flow by establishing a clear pattern.

Aside from those minor detail, this piece was fantastic. I really appreciated the emotion and felt that it was easy to connect with each and every line. Amazing work, I look forward to reading more in the future. Have a great day!




User avatar


Points: 0
Reviews: 4

Donate
Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:56 pm
Blairwood wrote a review...



This is beautiful! It reminds me of this quote:

“I hope to write someday and that’s even more terrifying than performing. You don’t just entertain the audience, you give them little bits of your soul.”
― Chris Colfer

Keep writing! Honestly I love this work you should be a writer well you are but... you know what I mean. I hope someday I can write like you. If you have any tips or tricks please tell me! I hope we can be writing pals and that you like my review.:}

-BlairWood




Anma says...


Lol, i sure will! Thanks again!



User avatar


Points: 0
Reviews: 4

Donate
Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:52 pm
View Likes
Blairwood says...



This is beautiful! It reminds me of this quote:
“I hope to write someday and that’s even more terrifying than performing. You don’t just entertain the audience, you give them little bits of your soul.”
― Chris Colfer
Keep writing!




Anma says...


Lol, thanks @Blairwood!



Blairwood says...


Sorry I didn't mean to post twice but please give me some tips!



Anma says...


I'll try, when i have some!



User avatar
113 Reviews


Points: 7015
Reviews: 113

Donate
Fri Apr 19, 2019 10:50 pm
View Likes
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This is a nicely-written poem! I like the emotion that you were able to convey from this... and I especially like the last line. "Your heart is poorly connected to your brain." I like that this can mean that your heart does one thing, but it's poorly connected to your brain so your heart isn't really thinking through what it's doing. Overall, I liked the idea of this poem and the flow of each line!

I think there are some lines that don't really make sense... so I will take a moment to point these out. Bear with the messiness of this... I will try to get better at reviewing...

"Your brain take's control of your body." In this line, you can remove the apostrophe from "takes". Just a minor typo.

"You get told your meant for each other." In this line, the "your" should be written as "you're" or "you are". This is the same for the line that comes after this one.

"But you're not to the stars up above." I don't really know what this line is saying... or how it relates to the previous lines in this stanza. Maybe you are talking about fate? If this is the case, you could try rewording this line to: "But it's not written in the stars up above." This is only a suggestion, but I would just recommend making the idea clear in this line.

"Your mother thinks its not okay." This line seems a little randomly placed to me. I feel like the idea of this poem so far is solidly talking of following one's heart to love each other, even if your thoughts are different, but then this line seems to come out of nowhere. Maybe you could keep the same idea - thinking this is not okay - but omit the part mentioning "your mother".

That's all I have to point out. This is a great read overall, and I'll be happy to read more from you later on.

Keep Writing :)




Anma says...


Okay! I'll try to fix it up! And thank you!



FabihaNeera says...


Glad that I could help!




Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?
— Alison Billet