Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Call it a crisis of faith, call it a mid-mid-life crisis, or just a mid life crisis (depending on how long you think I'll live for) or maybe we could call it a mid-youth crisis.
If you're the dramatic type or some sort of new-age rock n' roll hipster, you could call it a mental health issue. But, honestly, I'd rather not listen to you.
Let me ask a question though.
Are these common social stereotypes a figment of my imagination? Or do we all think like this and only certain people express it?
Call it teenage angst.
I want to do everything and nothing, all at the same time.
Call it insecurity.
I want to be loved by everyone and I want to hate everyone, all at the same time.
Christ, you could just call it being unhealthy.
My diet and my lifestyle aren't great for me either, I know that.
Am I a nice guy or am I an asshole? I'm leaning towards asshole, because all my girlfriends and even my best friends have called me that.
Is my writing pretentious? Self-absorbed? I don't know. You tell me. Somebody please just drop their facade for one second and be able to tell someone exactly how it is and how they are and what they think of them. Tell me what I am and who I am.
If you can't do that, then I'm going to burn right out.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello there, Anlon.
Essay-wise, this was all over the place. Loads of single-sentence paragraphs, no concrete details, no supporting facts, no introduction, a scattered body, no conclusion... nor was this really an article. So this would probably work better under "Other" as a category.
Structure-wise, this was all over the place. Usually, single-sentence paragraph work best when they have a bunch of impact in them, and usually when used once in a while. This had a lot of them, so the effect they were meant to have, as a sentence that has so much impact that it needs to stand alone to draw in the attention it needs, did not happen. Perhaps work on weaving some paragraphs together, and try adding a little more bulk in there. Which leads me into my next point.
Content-wise, this was good. Simple, sweet, to the point. But I can't help but feel like you could've elaborated on a lot more things. Just to give the reader a bit more insight on you, the writer, because I have a feeling this was more than a work; it was personal. For the reader to better understand the message, more emotion would've helped.
Consider fixing these things. I feel that once you have a more uniform, in-depth look, your work will be ten times more awesome and create more of an impact. As for the message, it clearly hit home, for both me and you. It was well-explained, you broke it down for us to understand, and the way it was explained (in my opinion) contained a poetic feel. I especially liked the repetition and structure of "call it ___".
Overall, a good work that could use improvement, but was still good. Nice work. Hope this helps!
~Iggy
Thanks dude
I love how it starts off! The way you repeat the idea of different ways of naming 'it' grips the reader and drags them in. Using this technique really effects how successful the entire work turns out to be, well done
After a very tense two lines finishing off with I'd rather not listen to you, the reader starts to question what the world looks like from the eyes of the speaker and how they usually act around others.
Overall, I really enjoyed the atmosphere of this and I encourage you to keep this amazing level of writing standard up
I don't see any actual nit picks worth mentioning, so a plus on that
That's all from me,
Godly
Thank you so much!