Young Writers Society

Pls if i made any mistakes, pls notify me.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The Eagle was right, i saw a tap and a solar powered tank, there i saw trees with fruits and i saw a backpack. "someone else must be here"i said as i went to search the bag and i saw two water bottles, a torchlight, a drone, a map device and finaly a gamepad. Then we crossed a bridge where we saw different types of fishes. "promised my Eaglets fishes"The Eagle said as it went down and caught a big fish. Then we got to the Eagle home, it was a giant tree, and they lived inside it, it was quiet awesome. "i am Glose, 22 year old, my wife is Dine 19 year old and my two Eaglet Hes and Bec, never mind our names, my father's name was name"Glose narrated. "I am Marcus 22 year old"i lied. "That is a lie, you can't fool me"Glose said "i am actually 14, i lied because it was weierd to see an Eagle older than me" "i will get some shurbs for you to sleep, you must be tired"Glose said as it flied away {dont think about what i said »it« it is an animal} then i fell asleep.

Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me coming in with a review. The premise does have promise to me it feels like a mix of Maximum Ride and Animorphs ( If you get those references that is) However there are a few things I want to point out that might make the reading experience smoother.

starting with the dialogue the way it's formatted now makes it run together and hard to parse. It's okay as we all start somewhere still, I recommend looking further into the formatting beyond my example. Rather than squishing it all into one paragraph every time there's a new speaker it should be a new one. For example.

" I am Marcus and I am 22 years old." I lied.

" You can't fool me." Glose responded.

That's just the basic bare-bones rundown of it anyway. However, I do want to point out some typos/ phrasing I would change to make things flow better. The first one is since it is in first person all the I's referring to Marcus/ the speaker need to be capitalized.

" a map device and finaly a gamepad "There is a small typo here it should be " a map device and finally a gamepad."

The second one I want to point out is "promised my Eaglets fishes" as it feels a bit choppy so I would make a small change like this. " I promised my Eaglets fishes."


"Then we got to the Eagle home, it was a giant tree, and they lived inside it, it was quiet awesome" I feel the phrase it and they lived in it redundant, now if you wanted to state they lived on the branches most people would assume they lived in their home. I would try to streamline it a little." Then we got to the Eagle's home, in all honesty, it was quite awesome since it's a huge hollow tree."

I promise I am almost done there are only a few more things I want to point out. Now this one might be dialectic-based but this felt off to me." "i am Glose, 22 year old, my wife is Dine 19 year old and my two Eaglet Hes and Bec, never mind our names, my father's name was name" I've never really heard someone say 22 years or however old they are like that. normally it's something like this." " My name's Glose, I am 22 years old, this is my wife is Dine she's 19 years old and these are my two Eaglets Hes and Bec."

Furthermore, the last bit trips me I am assuming you mean it was a name given to him by his father who has the same name. To make it clearer I would rephrase it a little perhaps something like "Please don't mind my name, it was my father's before me." Or something to that effect.

The last two or three I have is mostly typos.

" i lied because it was weierd to see an Eagle older than me. " I would change it too " I lied because it was weird to see an Eagle older than me. "

"i will get some shurbs for you to sleep, you must be tired"Glose said as it flied away" Once again it is a small typo " I will get some shrubs for you to sleep on, you must be tired"Glose said as it flew away"

One more thing since it is in first person I don't think the brackets at the end are necessary. I hope this didn't come off as harsh, Keep writing and drink water.