z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Psychic chapter five

by AnimalQueen


A/N I decided to mix things up a bit and write from David's point of view. If you like it, let me know. Maybe I'll post more chapters like this.

David's POV

After I said that stuff about embracing my weird side, everyone started to laugh. I didn't know why at first. It wasn't even that funny. Then I saw the look on Daniel's face, and I started laughing, too. 

Even Charlotte was laughing, and that made me happy. She always looked so sad. Sometimes she even looked scared when there was nothing to be worried about. 

I wondered why.

Mrs. Keller gave us our work and told us to start then.  I noticed Charlotte finished really fast. She was done by the time I was only half way through. Then she just sat and read a book. 

As well as being smart, Charlotte was also really pretty. 

She had dark, dark brown hair, almost black. It was somewhere between wavy and curly. Her eyes were brown, too. They were exactly the color of milk chocolate. She wasn't really short or tall, just average, and she had dimples when she smiled.

I noticed that wasn't often.

I realized I was staring at her. I quickly looked back at my paper and pretended to be working. But really, I was wondering why she seemed to be sad all the time. She didn't exactly have many friends, but I could see they were good friends from the way they stuck together. Besides, most of the other kids here were jerks. Who wanted to be friends with them?

She defiantly wasn't ugly. But then again, even the prettiest girls can be self-conscious. 

Maybe she had a bad home life.

I hoped not. I have a friend who's parents are never there for him, and he's miserable, not that I blame him. 

When I finally finished my worksheet, I looked over at Charlotte. "What are you reading?" I asked her. She looked up. "Twilight." She answered. "What's it about?" I inquired.

"It's a vampire romance." Charlotte explained.

"Ah." I said. "You're interested in the supernatural?" She smiled. "Well, not exactly. My friend suggested this, though." 

"Is it good?"

"I guess it's alright." Charlotte said. "I just started it though, so I wouldn't know."

Mrs. Keller made us stop talking then, but we talked every other chance we got. I found out her favorite color was green, and she had a cat named Lucinda, but no brothers or sisters. I told her about my little sister, Sarah, and her dog, Willie Wonka. (I blame our mom for his stupid name. She's the one who introduced Sarah to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.) 

At lunch, we sat together.

"I heard about some little girl who died on the playground." I said.  "I think her name was Sam. Stella?" Suddenly, I realized Charlotte looked like she was about to cry. "Charlotte? Are you OK?" I asked quietly.

She took a deep, shaky breath. "Her name was Stella. I was there when she died."

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry Charlotte." I reached over and hugged her tight. Although I couldn't have known she had been there, I felt like the world's biggest idiot.

To my surprise, I realized Charlotte was hugging me back. "It's OK, David." It's not your fault."

"She was so young." I said to her.

"Yes." She said. "Too young. Much too young. I wish I could have done something." 

"You know it's not your fault though, right Char?"

"Yeah." She told me, pulling back to look at me. "I just keep thinking about what I could have done." 

We sat in silence for a while. It was super awkward. Finally, Charlotte broke it. "So, David, what's your favorite movie?" "I don't know." I told her. Actually, I did know. It was defiantly "The Shining." But considering we had just been talking about a little dead girl, this seemed like the wrong time to mention it. 

"What's your's?" I asked Charlotte. She shrugged. "Probably "The Hunger Games."" I nodded. "That's a good one." 

"I have a theory about Rue." Charlotte said suddenly.

"What's that?"

"Well, in the books, they say that rue is a flower. But rue can also mean " regret."  No doubt, all the districts were sad and remorseful about losing the war. I bet they spent a lot of time thinking about what they could have done to win. And then Rue died young. There's a lot sadness surrounding her. So I think Suzane Collins named her to reflect that." 

I nodded. "That makes sense." I said. "It's touching, too.

Charlotte blushed. 

" So, tell me more about your little sister. Is she annoying?" I chuckled. "Oh, she's savage! Once she was so mad at me that she washed my cloths with hot water. When my parents asked about it, she said " it was an accident" and she "was just trying to help." I still have no idea how they fell for it. She was mad because I wouldn't let her watch "The Shining."

"Wait." Charlotte said. "THAT'S why?!"

"Believe it or not, yes." I told her.

She cracked up. 

Then, I heard the bell ring. We didn't have any classes together after lunch. Charlotte was getting up to go. "Wait." I said. I took out a piece of paper out and wrote my number on it. I handed it to her she read it. "Do you think you could give me your number, Charlotte?" I asked her.

"Sure." She told me, and wrote it down and gave it to me.

When I walked away, I was smiling ear to ear, and I'm pretty sure Charlotte was, too.


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104 Reviews


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Reviews: 104

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Fri Mar 23, 2018 12:25 pm
Danni88 wrote a review...



Hey AnimalQueen! Danni here for a review!

First off, really nice touch, doing it from David's POV. Great stuff!

Like @Kanome, I think David and Charlotte seem to be too close. They only met a while back but she seems closer to him than she does to Cassie, whom she has known for a lot longer. She opens up to him a lot more than she does with Cassie on the phone call. This is probably my biggest problem with this chapter.

Again, paragraphs! It makes it really hard to read without proper paragraphs.

Overall, this was really good! I enjoyed reading it.

Keep up the good work!


Danni x




AnimalQueen says...


I'm not really sure how to change my style with the paragraphs. Could you give me an example?



Danni88 says...


Of course!
Mrs Jones was walking down the road when she spotted her friend Mrs Smith.
%u201CHello!%u201D she called.

Because someone spoke a new paragraph is started. It also happens when the scen changes, for example a character walks into their house, or when a new character is introduced.

Hope this helps!



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351 Reviews


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Mon Mar 19, 2018 7:23 pm
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, AnimalQueen. Kanome here with a review for you. Let's get started, shall we?

Overall Opinion:
To be honest with you, it feels like this chapter was a bit rushed... I noticed in the previous chapter that David and Charlotte's friends didn't have a proper introduction meeting. In David's POV, you should introduced her friends to David in the beginning. I did like the relationship development between David and Charlotte, but I didn't expect them to be so close in the early chapters of your novel.

Nitpicks and Stuff:

She had dark, dark brown hair, almost black. It was somewhere between wavy and curly. Her eyes were brown, too. They were exactly the color of milk chocolate. She wasn't really short or tall, just average, and she had dimples when she smiled.


You don't need to add the extra word 'dark' in there. You could've simply stated:
She had dark brown hair, possibly darker to where it was almost black.
I feel like the whole thing about Charlotte's appearance should be tweaked... since this is the main character we are talking about.

Conclusion:
Just be sure not to rush the story too much... That's all I got to say to that. Other than that, this chapter was not that bad. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and can't wait to read the next chapter!

- Kanome





Meet me in Montauk.
— Charlie Kaufman