Published October 12, 2011
The sea is behind me,
And I need to get there.
But I can't turn around,
So I must walk backwards instead.
I'm walking on a ledge
at dizzying heights.
I'm scared of falling down,
But the sea is behind.
I stop for a second,
And close my eyes instead.
I listen to the sea,
I hear it calling me.
Now I walk faster,
at a demeaning pace.
I'm not going to stop,
till I'm scared again.
The sea was my past,
And I needed to get there.
But now I'm here,
How do I get back ahead?
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139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
Hey! I love this poem, as always
I think it would clear up the confusion if you replaced "get there" with "go back there", it will help emphasize that the sea is behind you but you want to go back.
I love this line I say!
Again, it would clear things up if you said how you got to the ledge, or even better, replace the word ledge with something else. It gives the wrong impression that your partly facing the sea while walking on the ledge and contradicts the fact that the sea is behind you.
Love this too, I say
Maybe you should say "walk backwards faster" That will clear up the confusion too.
Other than these things, I love love love how you concluded it and love the poem overall as well
Hmm. Okay this poem was good. I liked how the past was calling to hear and she needed to get back there. Why? I guess we will never know but I think that is what you wanted.
But to be truthful it was a little confusing. I don't get why the last line you put how do I get back from ahead? That made me all the more confused.
But as the Choco Cookies said, it was different and original!
Deanie x
I agree with this; the only stanza that wasn't slightly confusing was the third one.
But I also completely agree with this. I love some things like this that are very original!
These two stanzas kind of seemed to be tied together in a way, with you walking on a ledge and being scared, and then stopping, and walking again, saying you're not going to stop until you're scared again. But aren't you still walking on a ledge, so you will get scared again quickly? That was just a bit confusing to me.
So, sorry if this wasn't very helpful. I'm not sure if it's just from the author's perspective that it's not confusing, but if you did a bit of editing and clarifying this could be very, very good. Keep writing!!
Aku!
Okay. So, the poem was good but to admit,
it was a little confusing.
But the good thing is that it was different!
something I've never read & original.
I can't clarify the mistakes since I'm on mobile
but keep it up!!! <3
Overall: Very good. Try to make it Outstanding next time, 'Kay? XD
love,
Lakshmi!
(ChocoCookie)