every time the heavens poured
we'd know that the Earth is trying
to drown herself in loathing
and waves are just
tides of anger and grief
the Moon keeps awakening;
she won't give up
rivers are streams
of carelessly thrown words
that erode mountains of love
and create valleys of pain
we'd see water, water everywhere
and then we'd know
we'd know that droughts
are just the Earth showing a bit of love.
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139,787 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Heya Time Twin! ~
It has been such a long time since I have written a poetry review, so excuse me if I am a little rough around the edges or suggesting something that anyone else can blatantly see is a bad idea. Feel free to call me out on it xD I will be doing my best! I am also SO happy to read something of yours <3 You have no idea how long I have waited to read your writing, and I am so glad you decided to write it. And when you do, you churn out this lovely masterpiece. Why have you been holding this in for so long
I thought the middle two stanzas of the poem about the moon and the tide, as well as the rivers and streams was just perfect. I have been turning over this poem plenty of times to get the right words to say to you, but I don't think I would change those stanzas at all. So I will simply leave them be and comment on the rest of the poem, so you can feel wonderful about that lovely piece you've got there. Oh, and I just love the title of the poem. I struggle with making unique titles which aren't simply words of the poem taken as a title. But here you have done it in such a way that the title ties in with the poem as well, and colours it with meaning. I like that.
I am someone who is very much up for free verse and I really like it, but for some reason I would've liked this poem to follow the four lines a stanza kind of layout? I think that would work well for this poem because the subject matter and the way you wrote it does remind me of traditional poetry -- even if it is not quite that. It reminds me of the poems that admire nature and simply do only this, although yours does have the feeling of hate added into it too. But I think in my mindset, this would look good as a four lines a stanza kind of poem. I have also included places where you include more below which might help you shape some of those lines into more than one so that it could fit itself into that form as well.
I really like your word choice with saying 'poured' here, and I thought it was a brilliant first line because it drew me in. I wa/nted to know what the heavens were pouring though... but that was never quite mentioned? If you said every time the heavens poured fourth I would just assume you were talking about rain and that would be that
I liked this whole stanza, but I felt like we could go deeper into this a bit, maybe with another line. I wanted to have the word loathing expanded on. I know you personified the Earth and made her female which I thought was a nice touch. But colour loathing too! Does loathing have a colour, a smell, a taste, a texture that one can feel? Make it a unique description or comparison to be sucked into this poem all the more.
As I did for the above quote I am going to say something similar. I would've liked to see the 'water everywhere' part on a new line I think. But then again, the word everywhere is so general! I would love more detail. You could keep it nature related. We could see water dancing or running between the trees, sinking and settling into the dirt, flooding the houses - or maybe make it more personal and say we could see it pouring from our eyes, noses, mouth... whatever you think of when you imagine the water being everywhere. But be a bit more specific.
At one point you repeated we'd know, we'd know, but on separate lines. I really liked that touch. Like REALLY liked it.
I would make this into two lines because it is a bit long there at the end, and I am in love with the idea of that four line a stanza structure
That's all I can really help you with here! You have such a good poem here, and all my touch ups and recommendations are little things, and don't necessarily have to be changed. I can't wait to see what else you will be writing. Keep it, girl x
Deanie x
What are you talking about this is a great review! Like, so many helpful ideas and I'll totes look into all the things you said and work on them and thank you so much! <3 <33!
This poem is really depressing. But still, what a beautiful poem. This poem is a very different way of looking at things, and is unique in its own way. I've always thought of water as something beautiful, and perfect for all sorts of sports, games, and even something that we live off of and need to survive, but this idea of water as hate is interesting. The very idea of the earth's sadness as water is pure, perfect poetry. And even suggesting the idea that the earth feels sadness and loathing is very creative for you to suggest. I really liked your poem, and hope to see more soon.
- SinisterPotatoe -
I thought that this poem was very insightful. The images and metaphors were extremely strong without the poem being unclear in any way. You also had a nice "turn" at the end, which is a key characteristic of thoughtful and powerful poetry. I would love to take a look at more of your work.
Thank you for the comment! %uD83D%uDE01
ITS TIME FOR A REVIEW.......
Wow I really like this poem. See that is one of the amazing things about poetry is that your ideas have a purpose to them once you write them down. Your language is really great and this is honestly one of my favorite poems. I don't think you should change anything about your poem it's is great how it is. How did you come up with this idea?
Can't wait to see what more you write!!!
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. I haven't written in a while so I wasn't really sure where I was going with it but... somehow ended up making sense?
ITS TIME FOR A REVIEW.......
Wow I really like this poem. See that is one of the amazing things about poetry is that your ideas have a purpose to them once you write them down. Your language is really great and this is honestly one of my favorite poems. I don't think you should change anything about your poem it's is great how it is. How did you come up with this idea?
Can't wait to see what more you write!!!
Hi, it's Ruby, just wanted to say I really enjoyed this poem!
The concept in itself is a really good one- using something one influential force of nature to represent an influential emotion. The force of water is instant and can drown anything if it is too powerful, much like anger appears almost instantly and "drowns" every other emotion that we could have been feeling.
The imagery is great, especially when combined with the other literary devices in play. The "tides of anger and grief" really helped to imagine a stormy, uncontrollable sea that is full of emotion. The contrasting "mountains of love" and "valleys of pain" help to understand the extremes of the feelings you are describing, and that the "pain" that can be caused by harsh actions and words someone acts on due to anger can cause a loss of love.
The final verse is interesting because the idea of a drought, typically not favored by anyone, wouldn't be what most would associate with love. It does fit in with the logic of the entire poem, though.
The only thing I was wondering about was the pattern of how many lines were in each verse since it does seem a bit random. A good verse scheme might help with a better overall flow. Other than that, great job and I really enjoyed it!
Thank you for the review! To be honest, I wasn't thinking of anything but the literal scheme of things while writing it but somehow the literary devices made their way in? I get what you're saying about the verses; I was pretty unsure of them too. I just split the stanzas by the beginning of a new comparison for the lack of a better idea. I will look into getting a good verse scheme, though. Thank you!
Hey! Holly here for a review!
This poem in absolutely gorgeous! I love the way that the lyrics just flowed and fit each other!
I also like how Earth is always capitalized and so is the Moon.
The stanzas are beautiful. and actually make sense which is a good thing for poetry.
I live in California so I especially liked the bit about how droughts are just the way of earth showing a bit of love. (El nino has hit!!!)
Honestly I can's think of anything that you could possibly improve upon seeing as how wonderful your poem is.
Keep writing! I can't wait to red more of your work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Holly, thanks for the review! Haha, I live in a desert too so rain is a bit of a miracle. xD