Published April 3, 2010
The sun fades to bring the night,
the stars in the sky don't bring enough light.
The moon is not full,
the moon is not bright.
But that doesn't stop it,
the sound that rises.
It rises to the heavens,
not seen nor touched.
Oh how I wish,
I could be running free,
like the wolf i see,
Running through the snow,
outrunning all its cares.
All its troubles,
all its fears.
I wish I could be,
as carefree as a wolf.
But thats not who I was made to be.
So I'll just stick to my life and me,
and try not to worry about every little thing,
And dance away the night,
till the sun brings the day.
The wolf has its life,
and I have mine.
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140,492 Literary Works • 673,250 Reviews
i liked where the beginning was going and the middle but at the end you took it into a direction i didn't like but hey its up to you
i liked you wrote about a wolf for a simile just because theie my favorite animal
keep writing and remember practice makes perfect
Commas, commas! I agree with perdido. You don't need them all!
Okay. I love what you're trying to do here, but I'm not sure you're getting it across. You don't have enough description that links straight to emotion as much as you do just a clunky little sad poem. If you want me to really feel that lone wolf thing you have going on, give me a reason, something to relate to. That's really all you need to make this an amazing poem. That, and work on the punctuation.
Love,
Fixed
too much unnecessary punctuation at the end of lines. You really don't need commas at the end of lines. I'd rearrange the flow, some lines are too long and wordy, some are too short. This is easily fixed with enjambment and a little rearranging. I think you need more specific details. You talk about celestial bodies about what about trees? tundra? taiga? Something. And you left out the best sensory detail you could possibly include in a poem about a wolf, howling! Allen Ginsberg didn't write about wolves but... he knew how to Howl.
Anyway, this need a bit of editing, as it stands its pretty forgettable.