Wrote this Friday night, what do`you think?
Everything I thought about my life had changed. It had been a lie, all of it. My parents, my friends, everything that ever mattered. Everything that I thought I'd become in the future, was over, all over. My life, no matter how many centuries I lived, would never be the same. Why now? Why find out life changing news when my life was just where I wanted it to be? What was the point of the last 18 years anyway? Making friends, knowing my 'family', all for it to mean nothing now, just a fuzzy memory to try to recall an eternity from now. All my life I've been working hard to be successful and well-liked, to be doomed to a life of solitude, to see all my loved ones die from afar, while I stay frozen in time, forever 18. A life where I would live to see the end of forever, but what would it matter if I'm destined to be alone? Why would someone choose this for their child? To be an outcast, to be Immortal? I could just crawl up in a corner somewhere and die. Ha. If only that were an option.
Um okay so I don't really know where to go with this, but it came to me so I had to write it 
It's my first time writing anything like this, so you can be as harsh as you want with your reviewing. I know it's short, but like I said it just came to me, think of it as a sampling of the beginning of a story. Please review, or comment, just tell me what you think. Thank you!
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Well it's not a Vampire book. It's actually going to be a very small part in a book I'm writing with my friend. It will not end up being cliche at all, trust me. I just posted this on here because at the time I wasn't sure if it would fit into our story, but it will. I'll let you guys know how it turns out. Thanks for the reviews, i appreciate them very much.
So cliche. If you're going to write an immortal or vampire story, there needs to be something unique about it. I know this is only a sampling, but if you were to actually put this at the beginning of a long story, I very likely wouldn't read it. You need to introduce an element of intrigue and/or surprise within your first few sentences.
So, main impression: your writing isn't bad, but the idea is completely dull. Not much else for me to say about this. Something that might really help if you plan on writing more of this is to create a sort of plot outline. I'll tell you how if you haven't heard of it before. Good luck! :]
This is a very interesting thing. It sounds like a vampire story and I really hope that you'll make it longer because if you let it, this could become a great book in time. There was no mistakes in this and I had to reread it a couple times to really decide if it was worth turning into a book and it is. I'm so glad you posted this, it's powerful and mysterious and amazing. If you continue on from here, I will be very greatful.
This is intriguing. Im assuming vampire? Anyways, this is a pretty goid hook, good prologue. Im definitely interested in seeing how this plays our, because it seems different. Im also eager to see what you mean by choosing this for their child. Cant find anything wrong with it
sorry this review is short, im doing it via phone. I hope you continue, pm me if you do!