Published June 18, 2011
I am dark.
Black hair,
black clothes,
black heart.
But I hope.
For light,
for life,
for love.
All I know is gone.
My family, my life.
I am left to start over
with nothing but memories.
In a flash,
my world was blown apart.
I was left to find my way
in unknown darkness.
And though I cannot see,
I still try to find my way.
I need to fight, if not for me
then for the ones who died.
Nothing ever came from giving up
Thank the sour taste of defeat.
I hate the darkness that found me
so I shall find the light.
I am dark.
Black world,
black life,
black mark.
But I dream.
Of chance,
of light,
of peace.
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140,868 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
I like it. ALot. I felt tears pric my eyes as i read. Honey, if you need someone as a friend or support, im here for you. Im sorry about your family.
Black Ink x.
This is amazing and very good I like it
Actually I want to say that I didn't realize when I was reviewing that this was so personal, and I'm really sorry if I offended you or hurt your feelings. If you want me to delete my comment I'd be happy to...again, I'm very sorry if I offended you at all!
Sare
Hi Angel.
I think sarebear covered pretty much everything as far as nitpicks, so I'll leave you with this:
I was drawn in immediately by the first stanza, but in my mind I was dreading this was going to be another one of those depression poems where some angsty teenager is whining about life when they have no place to. Thankfully, this is not one of those cases.
I was first surprised by how much you reveal in this poem. It's beautiful, yes, but it's so incredibly personal that it's almost too much to take in at once. Which I think works here, because as you say the family was breathless. That's how I feel as I read this poem.
But, I want to warn you that you should be careful about the personal...ness of the things you post on here, because some people are very harsh reviewers and I don't want you to be offended. If you think you can handle them, then feel free.
Good job on this poem, though.
-A
There is hope, angel. This is beautiful, i love it, and i am terribly sorry to hear this. Im here for you.
Hello Angel, and welcome to YWS!
Alrighty. First of all, your intro really sucked me in. I loved the first stanza, and was immediately curious for an explanation. I have some nitpicks for the body of the poem:
This part of the poem, while accurately describing the situation, is weak. The first thing I would do (if I were making the choices here) would be to get rid of the last stanza (the one about "Do I dare"). It is unnecessary and detracts a lot.
You have chosen a narrative style for your poem that involves every line being very short, but here you are diverging from that. Actually, I think you're giving too much info. You can imply what happened without just telling the reader. For example, if I was going to rework a stanza, here's what I might do:
Instead of:
You could write
The reader knows that you will never see them again, you don't have to specify that.
I'm going to leave you to your own devices to work out the kinks in the rest of the poem. My advice is: keep it simple, and try to have a consistent narrative style. Overall, nice work!
Sare