16+ Language

Trans (Introduction)

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

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My parents say the day I was born was one of the happiest moments in their lives. They were so excited to finally have a little baby girl. After three boys my mother was ready for a daughter to go shopping with and dress up. My father was ready to have a little princess that he could spoil. 

When I was born the doctor congradulated my mother on giving birth to a beautiful, healthy, baby girl. 

A beautiful, healthy, baby girl.

They couldn't have been more wrong.

My childhood was filled with anxiety and confusion. I didn't know why I felt so uncomfortable with myself, but I knew something was wrong. I didn't understand why I didn't want to wear dresses and girly clothing. I didn't understand why I felt more comfortable around boys than girls. Mom said it was because I was a tomboy, but I could tell it was more than that. Deep down I knew something was very wrong but I could not figure it out. 

My parents sent me to a therapist to try to figure out why I was so anxious, but I was never honest with them. I never told them the truth. I was too scared. So they eventually gave up. My parents were told that  I would be fine and eventually grow out of it. 

I didn't grow out of it. 

I just got worse and worse. That was until I turned sixteen. 

When I turned sixteen everything changed. 

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Laurenh6
Review

Hello! I thought this was really interesting - I don't know if this is a first hand experience or what but it really interests me to see things from such a different perspective of life :) . I know this is only an introduction but it was really good so well done! And I suppose it highlights something that others may not consider :) .

Two critiques I have:

1) Second paragraph you've put "congradulated" rather than "congratulated"

2) I feel like you're telling us all the details here.. I've always been taught to show details rather than tell them.. For instance, you tell us and state facts about your past.. but I feel like it would connect to the reader more if there were to be more description of gesture, actions, expression etc.. to emphasise the "anxiety" and "confusion" that was felt. Show us what that did to the character - or at least give a sneak peak to give the reader some sort of hook.. and a connection to the character


But overall this was really interesting - please notify me when you've got the next bit out! I'd be so intrigued to read it :)

User avatar
Junel
Review
Junel wrote a review · Mon Jul 11, 2016 3:04 pm

Hey, this is really amazing! You will have to tell me when you put the next part out because I definitely want to continue reading this myself. I don't have much to say as for problems.
One spelling error I saw was

doctor congradulated my

the d should be a t. This is a common misspelling because people have actually started to say it the wrong way.
Another idea although it isn't needed, but might be nice is for some of your conjunctions if you actually separate the words it adds more emphasis when someone reads it. Like when you say
They couldn't have been more wrong.

it would add just a little more it you separated could from not adding a little more emphasis. Just an idea.

Overall you had close to no grammatical errors and it definitely pulled me in. You had just enough description for this section, but in later ones you might want to add a little more so I can get a better image. I also have a very ghost like image of the main character so make sure to describe them in the next section.

Keep writing I love it!



something about rain makes you want to be in love
— canopy