Published October 20, 2011
Are you too scared?
Afraid to show everyone,
The real you is hiding,
No-one knows the things you've been through,
They will never know,
You hide everything from the world,
To deny rejection,
Silently dying,
Never being found,
Tears stream down your face,
But no-one is there to see them,
You open your eyes,
Nothing has changed.
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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
This poem is a very good poem. The only thing that really got at me was how you once again used an overload of commas. This makes the flow way to choppy, and if someone were to actually take the time to pause at those commas, they would basically hyperventilate because of all the pauses. So instead of using commas all the time, use full stops and commas where need be.
The last line could be expanded upon by saying things of emotion, like perhaps explaining what the subjects been through. Pain? Anger? Depression? Also, maybe the second line would be better sounding if phrased as "The real you you're hiding." Not that you have to change it to that, just a small suggestion. I liked the shift from where you're describing how the subject is hiding/invisible to how the subject is in inside (i.e-dying, silently crying, etc.) And the last line of the poem gives the sense that nothing looked up, which gives a strong emphasis to the over all meaning of the poem. The title also gives impact to the poem. All in all, very good poem that needs little revising. Good job and keep writing.
I love the message you pointed out in the poem. But it is so direct. You should make the poem more interesting, letting the readers to think and guess your thoughts in the poem. By the way, i am sure this poem can be related to anybody personally which is good.
Very nice poem. The title made me nice and interesting. It was great how you started with a question which will immediately get the reader intent and listening out for the answer to the asked question! I found that a great start. I also liked the rest of the poem. It was very deep and I could easily relate and connect to this poem. I can really understand the situation the person behind the poem is in. I found the emotions very clear and it was easy to understand this poem.
I think you did a great job!
Deanie x
I liked it. It was short and meaningful. But, the thing is, you could have added some more charm in it. It seems a bit too simple to me. Like, just a personal judgement. Poetry-wise it's superb. Touching. Keep writing.
hi,
i really like this,it is very relatable and is well written.
good job!
it.brings.tears.to.my.eyes.i.give.10out.of.10
it.brings.tears.to.my.eyes.i.give.10out.of.10
I really liked this. I like shorter poems most of the time and I really connected with this piece.
I think my favorite bit has to be:
Trust me, it was really hard for me to pick only one part that I liked most. It is so good. But I think I can definetly understand the feeling behind this.
Another part I really liked was:
I know I just quoted almost the whole thing, but I did really like it.
Great job and keep going!
Ahnleh