Published September 23, 2011
The walls were littered with images,
a funeral feeling about the room.
Somber, angry, wasted.
There were tears gathering in her eyes,
small and worn
and utterly, almost terribly alive;
her young beauty beginning to ebb.
She made a little gesture,
pinched and unnerving.
I was afraid, startled.
When would I have the courage?
I turned away,
followed Gramma down the stairs.
I had missed the moment.
I wasn't entirely sorry.
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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
This poem is very strong, but the message could be muddled - it depends on the reader and the reader's experience with how to interpret it, in my opinion. It's a very... personal kind of thing? I think. I actually like your style of only capitalising the first letter in a sentence; that gives each line a much more - withered? - feeling. The poem packs a seriously punch, and I love the emotions being conveyed, especially in the first six lines and at the end. At the beginning it gives a kind of sense of helplessness, and the end has a feeling of power and a bit of regret, at least for me. It is, in any case, a beautiful piece of work.
This poem was very well written! I'm not sure if you are writing from experience, but it's definitely very personal, and easy to relate to! Definitely keep writing, this is really a good poem, and you are very talented.
This was well done. It is short but tells a story strong in both emotion and understanding. I must say I'm impressed my only advice is to cap every first letter in the line. And some lines seem longer than others so try and keep them the same length. But anyways I really enjoyed it. Is the her described in the beginning is that her gramma? I'm a little confused on that but other than those this was amazing. If you have any questions then just ask! <3 Good luck.
Soulkana<3
Very, very bittersweet and enjoyable. Keep on writing!
Dragon Rider