Published October 29, 2009
Two pink fish swim near the sand
Their eyes see clear ahead.
Pucker and purse themselves together
They only speak of rest.
Chapped fins pulsate as they move
In motion, they form words.
I’d like to hear their soothing voice
But splashes sound absurd.
Sleepy sounds I cannot hear
They make me want to swim
I slip within their sea born web they’ve
Threaded on a whim.
The fish who swim together
Now drift slowly apart.
They speak to me of lust
And I wish to win their heart.
I watch their rounded, puffy skin
It pouts and shimmers, drenched.
If only I could suck on them
My thirst might then be quenched
I lick my lips to taste them
Soft and fat and sweet
They’ve promised me no promises
Only their flesh and meat
Two fish swim together,
My mouth and theirs the same
I get to taste their puffy pink,
And they my weakened frame.
I'm drowning now, but it’s too late
I’ve sunken deep within.
But two pink fish are soothing me,
As they caress my skin.
Tell me what you think, if you liked it or not, but mostly I want to hear what you think this poem is about. Let me know! Thank you!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,414 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
I'm not quite good at guessing the hidden meanings in a poem but I'll give this a try.
It would be the narrator's jealousy towards happy couples.Thought the poem the narrator sought to destroy their happiness and all they gave the narrator was tranquility and joy.
Towards the end the narrator new that eating (.i.e. separating) them was a senseless thing to do.
Really cannot helpthe guesswork.
Gryphon gets a thumbs up!
It is about lips!
Thank you everyone for commenting, I really appreciate it!
As I've said in the past, I love poems that tell us something, give us descriptions of something from a point of view in which we wouldn't usually view it from. Making it seem like something else, using metaphors and unique ways to describing something so we may not even figure out what it is.
I actually didn't know it was lips until Gryphon mentioned it.(Which I am assuming it is right?) Regardless nice work. I also love the rhyming. Flows very nicely. :]
Lips? Is this poem about lips, standing in for two characters in... a one-night stand? Like the speaker is a neglected, lonely person, and the fish are another character who has come to soothe them, but isn't necessarily in a long-term relationship with them?
I liked it though. I wouldn't normally think of lips as fish, but the metaphor works as it plays out. Very nice.
The first stanza appears to be the only one in which the rhyme scheme is not completely solid. I guess "ahead" and "rest" sort of have the same vowel sound, but all the other rhymes are pretty concrete. This seems to be skirting the line in rhyming, which sort of separates it from the others and since it's the first stanza and thereby sort of laying out the tone of the rest of the poem, it's a little more noticable.
Pretty awesomsauce all in all though. Thumbs up!
~GryphonFledgling
Oh, wow! That was amazing! Just...amazing.
I don't know what it's about really, but your words and rhythm are so good!
Is it about someone drowning/sinking? That's just my guess.