Rest In Peace

by Amie
Waterfalls frozen through my veins
Replenishing every hour. Minute. Second.
Reminding me of D. Day
I blackened, decayed and came out of existence.
Because of you…
The pain wrenched my heart, squeezing,
Conflicting how you once held me in arms
Time had. Stopped.
And it was time to mourn. Again,
Until the tempest had conceded.
And the carbon copy of us, drowned
In the darkness, swallowing the hollowness
You always felt-
Either way I’m left, alone.
Comments & reviews · 2
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TazmaniaGirl
Review

This is well written.
Mostly because it's very descriptive, and this is what most poems are like, but you've made this one special.
But, I don't really get this.
If you could explain a little more what is about, I would like it a tinsey bit more then I do now.
But I ahve to say, very well done!
How old are you?
Keep writing, you certainly have the talent for it!

User avatar
octopi
Review
octopi wrote a review · Thu May 31, 2012 2:26 pm

whoa.


this is a very intense poem, with a very intense theme. It has a grim and dark mood but an undertone of sadness and hearbreak. I don't read these kind of poems very often, so I don't know if my review will be of any use to anybody, but I'll try the best I can xD

I guess I'm wondering why you said "reminding me of D.Day" instead of reminding me of "the day?" or are you talking about an actual person?

And when you said "Time had. Stopped." it read kind of bulkily, like maybe you needed to say time.had.stopped. or with no periods or all. *shrug* but maybe you meant it to read like that?

Those are just the few things I'm wondering about. The rest was very good! I love the lines "in the darkness, swallowing the hollowness
you always left-
either way I'm left, alone"

keep writing!
~McKie



“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -
— Emily Dickinson