Distracted, I dropped a camera stand and almost decapitated people with the equipment three times at work and I think my boss was glad when I went home. I couldn’t get my mind to concentrate on anything other than the letter. Suddenly, I realised that I hadn’t called Sam back last night. As soon as I got home I hit redial on my phone and listened to the rings, wondering how on earth to start that conversation.
“Hello,” said the voice on the other side of the phone.
“Hey, Sam, it’s me,” I said awkwardly. “Danny.”
“Hey, man. How’re you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m good. What about you?”
“Good days and bad days. You know how it goes.”
“Yeah. Hey, how’d you get my number?”
“I phoned the number you left us when you went back to Ireland,” he said, chuckling. “You’re mum picked up, thank god. She gave me your new number.”
My dad and I might not get on well but my mum was determined to mend the bridges between us. This must just be the most recent attempt to do that.
“So, I take it you got Jimmy’s letter?” Sam continued.
“Yeah. You can tell Jimmy wrote it.” I joked.
“Yeah. You’re going right?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well,” he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “Lizzie’s gonna be there.”
I slumped into my chair, my mind drifting over my memories of Lizzie. “Yeah,” I sighed. “I know. I’m kinda looking forward to seeing her, you know? Find out how life’s treated her.”
“Yeah. I wonder what everyone’s up to now.”
Sam had good reason to worry about how I might react to Lizzie being there – there was a lot of history between us. I still remember the first time I spoke to her as if it was just yesterday. That too was thanks to Jimmy.
About a week after school began Jimmy had managed to talk to every person in our year and a couple in the year above. Sam was the first one he introduced to me, the chubby, happy-go-lucky guy in my maths and science classes. Sam and I instantly bonded – we had something in common – we had been chosen by Jimmy. The bell rang at the end of maths and we slowly wandered out of the classroom, heading towards the lunch hall.
“Danny,” Jimmy shouted, slapping a hand down on my shoulder. “You’re good at maths. Help me with my homework.”
“Sure, gimme back my pen and I’ll be happy too,” I told him, deadly serious. At first he thought I was kidding and then he realised that I wasn’t.
“Oh come on,” he complained, amusing Sam.
I continued walking, demonstrating that this time I wasn’t going to cave.
“Lizzie,” Jimmy shouted, having already given up on me. “You’re good at maths. Help me?”
I turned on my heals, eyes locked on the seemingly perfect girl stood before me. I had listened out for her name whenever I passed her and her friends in the corridor and as soon as I heard it I committed it to memory.
“I don’t know,” Lizzie said cheerfully. “I didn’t really understand the lesson too well.”
“Oh come on, don’t lie to me,” Jimmy teased.
“Why don’t you ask Cassandra?” I suggested, mostly just because I wanted to contribute to the conversation. “I mean, you know her and you did say she was kinda nerdy.”
Suddenly silence fell over us and everyone looked past me to whatever was behind me. I had that horrible feeling that you get when you know that the person you were just talking about is stood behind you. Sure enough, when I turned round Cassandra was stood literally right behind me. She was scowling and this time it wasn’t at Jimmy – it was at me.
“Wha’d’ya say, Cass?” Jimmy said casually, finding the situation amusing. “Help me out?”
“Don’t call me Cass, dick,” the mysterious girl behind me said, dead pan. To look at her, you never would’ve expected such vulgar language to come from her.
“Bitch,” Jimmy threw back.
“James Golding,” our maths teacher shouted from behind him. “You should never call a girl that.”
At first I thought that Jimmy might retort but he didn’t. Cassandra looked pleased with herself as she walked away.
“That,” Jimmy said, directing his words to me, “is why I don’t ask for her help.”
A chuckle passed over the group.
“You could’ve warned me that she was stood there,” I said accusingly.
“But it was so much fun watching you squirm when you saw her,” Lizzie teased, a smile flirting with her lips.
I chuckled nervously, the only thing I could think to do.
“Danny?” Sam called out from the other end of the phone, pulling me out of the past.
“Sorry man,” I said quickly. “I was in a world of my own.”
“Yeah. I’ve had the same problem all week.”
“Yeah. So, anyway, what was it you wanted to talk about?”
“Oh, right. Kinda embarrassing really. I don’t remember where that café we’re menna meet at is…or what it’s called.”
I laughed lightly. “It’s The Coffee Pot. It’s off Church Street.”
“Right. Of course.”
“You still don’t remember, do you?”
“No.”
After laughing at him and being shouted at for laughing at him, I gave Sam a full description of where to find the café. After that we got caught up talking and didn’t notice when it started to get late.
End of chapter
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140,089 Literary Works • 672,997 Reviews
Hey, I found chapter three of this when in the Green Room attempting to end the High Volume Alert, but first I had to read the beginning to make sure I understood it. I didn't want to jump in without a bathing suit, so to speak. Had to be prepared.
You really need to up the rating and add a language warning. What you used isn't much, but it's still there. Probably 12+L. Like I said, it's not much but you did use some language.
Also, I think that you should put the flashback scenes in italics to distinguish them from the rest of the chapter. And the transition from flashback to present time (in the story) was a little abrupt. To me, it ended a little to soon.
I didn't review the first chapter since I thought it was really good, but I saw those few things and thought that I would mention them to you.
Peace,
HT
Thank you for the review. I'd just like to mention that the abruptness of the flashback ending was intentional because it's told from Danny's point of view and he is suddenly pulled out of the flashback. Also, I didn't put them in itallics because I want the reader to see the story in the past and the story in the present as all one thing because they are linked greatly and I feel that if I sepparated the past like that then it wouldn't feel like a part of the same story. About the language thing, I'm a little confused because you've said to rate it as 12 L but that's already what it's rated as.
There's been a glitch on my computer, it's not letting me see the ratings. That's my bad, sorry I didn't figure it out.
Ah, I see. Silly technology. ^-^
Ok chapter 2 here I am!
Its considerably shorter than the first chapter but thats not too much of a problem; I was just excited to read more.
What can I say? There didn't seem to be any mistakes and I love the story. When Sam Mentioned that Lizzie was going to be there I knew there was gonna be a old relationship of sorts between the two of them. Honestly, that excited me and my heart broke a little at the same time because I have a feeling that heart break is coming up. I barely know this Lizzie girl and I am begging and praying that by the end of this they somehow get back together (or 'get together' depending on what the history between them is).
I think I am also in love with that pairing extra because my boyfriend and I met in school in year 9 and we have been dating ever since so a relationship between Lizzie and Dan is going to make me go crazy. In a good way!
Well done on this awesome chapter and I can't wait to read more! ~ Valkyrie
Thank you. ^-^
I got so excited when I saw there was a chapter 2!
This chapter felt very short to me, but it was still very enjoyable. I do have a few questions though. Why was Danny so angry about the pen? It didn't seem like a very big deal to me, but maybe that's just me.
I love how you put a little bit of foreign background into the story. I'm so used to stories taking place in America, so it was a very cool and refreshing change of pace. It's also very interesting to read in a different dialect than I'm used to. I knew it was a different dialect, but it wasn't overwhelming.
You used dialogue really well in this chapter. It was very lighthearted, quick, and to the point, but it wasn't too fast. It gave me all I needed to know, and carried the story along really well.
Great job!
Thank you. ^-^ About the pen, it's not really that he's angry about it more that he just wants to tease Jimmy a little, get one up on him. I'm glad you enjoyed it.