Published August 5, 2011
Closed doors
Hidden tears
Music loud
Drown out
The fear.
To let you go
And to forget.
never to remember
The times we had.
you left this world
Taking my pride away.
Taking my scars.
Taking my fears
all away.
All my life,
i had a empty space.
meeting you,
filled it up.
took away the pain.
i had a fear,
of being all alone
That never goes,
Only grows.
when you left this earth,
you took all i had left.
i had to numb the pain,
you left behind.
Music louder
Beatin’ drum
Takes away
The feeling from.
Not enough
To fully leave.
More volume
Less sleep
it was so easy, to numb you out.
Music louder
More tears,
Take my heart,
When you leave here.
i never thought, you would go so fast.
i turn up the music,
to drown out the pain.
it makes me numb,
and keeps me sain.
I look around,
Sad looks
Everywhere.
Even when i thought
i was safe
you crept in,
and stole my thoughts
like a theif at night,
i finally was safe.
Then you came back,
and took it all away.
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139,363 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
This sounds like a caveman reading teen angst poetry. I think you were trying to be really creative when you wrote this and I suppose this is a little creative, but it lacks depth and emotion. I believe this is a poem about some teenager who isn't very active in life and just spends all of his/her time in his/her room listening to loud music...probably emo crap.
I agree with the person above, this stops too abruptly, you should think about expanding.
I found that the beginning had a good rhythm, but the ending lost it for me. What is this fear you are talking about? This poem is very vague, and it doesn't go anywhere spectacular. Keep up the writing, cheers
I'd also like to add that your description ( "What happened when music is your only salvation??" ) should read something more like this: "What happens when music is your only salvation?"
So...you are very vague in your poem here. I don't know what you're afraid of. You're just telling us simple things that happen "More tears, sad looks everywhere." Its structure is also questionable. Why did you choose this exactly? Nothing wrong with it, just it doesn't seem to do anything apart from make your poem choppy. And cool structure does not make a poem.
I don't know what you're trying to convey here. Sorry! I would say ditch the whole short line thing, and write this over, and use some imagery, show us what you're afraid of, what does it do to you? Or WHO are you afraid of? And what does the music do for you?
Give it a go! Good luck!