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Amelia, or the female Jesus

by AmadeusW


Author's Note: This is a short story I wrote on a whim. In my opinion, this story has no drama, only good news. And it's really short as well, so you don't have to sit for a while. I would love constructive feedback on the writing as well as your own personal opinion on the story in general.

“Oh, Amelia darling, you must be the sweetest sweetheart I’ve ever known!” rasped the old lady Bette who was sitting in a rose-colored armchair. Her faded eyes stared off in a direction that was not where her young nurse Amelia stood. Despite her disability, she still had a smile on her face with all of her teeth.

Amelia returned a smile to old Bette, regardless of the fact that the lady wouldn’t see it. “Thank you Bette,” she replied with a voice like honey.

The young brunette had just fixed old Bette her favorite honey green tea. The old lady held the steaming ivory cup to her lips and blew with shaking lips upon the hot drink. “I think it’s a little too hot to drink right this moment,” she said thoughtfully with a joyful demeanor upon her weathered face.

“If you want more honey, just let me know!” Amelia said. She took a seat in a second rosy chair that was placed on the other side of the small, round wooden table between her and Bette. A springtime sunlight washed gently through the gauze-like curtains, casting a comforting brightness across the soft, grey carpet.

“Thank you m’dear.”

Bette set her tea down on the small table and on a whim moved her hand through her white, fluffy hair. “It feels so soft today, like down almost!”

Amelia grinned. “Does it really?”

“Oh, sure it does! Come feel it.”

Amelia got up and ran her smooth hand through Bette’s hair. “Oh, yes, very soft today. You’re right.” She sat back down.

A few minutes of silence padded along. Amelia took to thinking about things - random things, like what she had for breakfast last week or something she did in her childhood, and sometimes thought about what she wanted to do in the future.

A memory of when she was a young girl resurfaced in her mind. She was playing in the backyard, laughing gleefully as her mother blew bubbles in the sunny air, casting rainbow colors in the wind. And when she was alone back there for awhile, she had found a wilting dead flower, dark and shriveled. She placed her small young hand upon it, and thought, “Get better.” Upon removing her hand from the flower, the stem began to straighten, the petals unfurl and regain color, and the water from the earth restore its vibrance and health.

The memory made her smile. She had never told anyone she could do things like that. It was something that she wanted to keep to herself for as long as she lived, for such a rare thing as that was certainly within her power for a reason, one she knew not of.

“What if I could do the same with old Bette?” she wondered. Her gaze shifted over to the lady she was taking care of, and found herself staring. An old, withered lady couldn’t be any different than an old, withered flower. Amelia had only been caring for Bette for about a week since the old nurse had to go on maternity leave. Since that week began, she had never before thought that she could possibly heal Bette of her malaties, not until that very moment, on that beautiful spring Saturday.

“Oh, Bette,” she said out loud, “I believe I got a piece of lint stuck in your hair!”

Bette took a hand and tousled her white curls, looking for it. “Well, if only I could have a peek in the mirror, now! Would you mind de-linting me, my dear? I’m a messy woman!” She laughed heartily.

“Ah, not a problem Bette! You’re not messy at all.” She stood up and began feigning an attempt to remove the supposed lint.

“Did ya find it?” Bette asked.

“Not yet… it’s very small.”

Amelia closed her eyes, and focused her mind upon Bette, and thought: “Get better.” She removed her hands from Bette’s hair. “I got it!” she said out loud.

“Oh, excellent!” Bette clapped. “I think I’ll have some tea, now.” She reached over to the brown table and fumbled for the mug.

“Aha, I found it!” Bette exclaimed with a smile upon fully grasping the mug. “Being blind can’t get the best of me! No, sir!”

As she sipped, she began to blink. Her entire demeanor changed in that instant. The cloudiness in her eyes began to lessen. She gasped. “Amelia! Am I dreaming? Oh, my lucky stars, my beloved Jesus has healed me!”

Amelia’s mouth gaped open. “It worked!” she thought excitedly. She stood up and knelt by Bette’s side. “You can see?”

Bette blinked rapidly. “Why… why… why yes I can! Oh, joy!” She began laughing, and set down her mug. “Quick! Hold up your fingers, Amelia!”

Amelia held up three. “How many, Bette? How many?”

“Three! Is it three? Yes, it’s three!”

“Yes!”

Amelia hugged her tightly, overwhelming joy washing over her.

“Oh, beloved Jesus, thank you!” Bette cried.

Amelia remained silent, and thought: “No need to tell her it was me who healed her.” And then she thought, with a bit of curiosity: “What if I could heal everybody? What if I could heal the world?”

Amelia’s heart fluttered with desire.


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Points: 390
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Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:04 am
winterwolf0100 says...



This is just a comment to say... BRAVO!!! It is such an inspiring and beautiful piece that I feel you tied up perfectly! I would love to read more, but at the same time, I’d be satisfied with the ending you gave me (which is, by the way, by far the best way to end a story.) Again, beautiful work, and can’t wait to read more from you!




AmadeusW says...


Thank you!



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Sun Apr 21, 2019 11:20 am
4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey, Che here for a review!

I meant to review this as soon as I saw and read it but I got completely distracted by other stuff so here I am now, whoops! Like always I'll just point out any areas where I think a little improving could be done :-) It's all my opinion so obviously you don't have to take the advice!

Her faded eyes stared off in a direction that was not where her young nurse Amelia stood

In my opinion, this could be re-worded a little as it's a little clumsy. Something like "her faded eyes stared off in a direction away from young nurse Amelia" or something else similar.

The old lady held the steaming ivory cup to her lips and blew with shaking lips upon the hot drink

You've used "lips" twice in this sentence which I would suggest against doing unless really necessary.

Since that week began, she had never before thought that she could possibly heal Bette of her malaties, not until that very moment, on that beautiful spring Saturday.

First, I believe it's actually "Maladies"? And second, as this is quite a long sentence, I would perhaps spilt it into two, stopping before "Not until..."

This story had such a sweet and loving tone to it. I loved all the little descriptions you put into it- especially the bit about have a voice as soft as honey. Amelia just seems like a sweetheart (as does Bette) and the first thing she healed being a flower was just a very powerful image. Most people would have jumped right in and made her realise her power after healing a person straight away but I just loved the flower.

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)




AmadeusW says...


Thank you so much for the review!



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Fri Apr 19, 2019 3:07 pm
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Tawsif wrote a review...



I liked the story, especially the ending. You see I'm not a big fan of fantasy (as I can't write fantasy myself), but this piece fascinated me mostly because of your description and of course the ending.

Let's go para by para.

You painted the picture of the sunlight washing through the curtains beautifully. Well done.

'Upon removing her hand from the flower, the stem began to straighten, the petals unfurl and regain color, and the water from the earth restore its vibrance and health.'

This was a brilliant line. While describing the healing of the flower, you needed to grab the reader's attention. And you did it nicely with your lively description and vocabulary.

I liked the part when Amelia heals Breete while feigning to delint her. Most readers, after reading the part when the thought of healing Breete comes to Amelia's mind, would expect Amelia to simply say 'Get better'. But you brought the scene of a piece of lint getting stuck in Breete's head, and it was clever.

Lastly, about the ending. I liked the idea of healing the world. It sort of leaves the reader with a moral at the end, though it's not presented like a moral. I must say, you did very well here.

Another thing that I liked was the words you chose. I have a tendency to use these literary, rather less-used, words in my stories too, though some people advise to avoid them. I suggest you keep using your vocabulary.

At last, I enjoyed reading the story from the first second to the last. Keep writing.




AmadeusW says...


Thank you very much! And keep on writing to you too, because you are also an excellent writer regardless of my deep reviews. :)




"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."
— George Orwell, 1984