In those moments where you want to die,
Everyone starts to care, and tell you everything will be fine.
How are we supposed to believe them at a time like this,
As our minds are wandering somewhere in the abyss?
Deep down, almost at rock bottom, you try to swim to the surface.
Struggling, you begin to wonder if it's actually worth it.
Giving up on trying to continue your life, nature takes it's course.
Floating down to the bottom of the sea is the only thing left of you, your corpse.
Your eyes close as you no longer breathe.
You wake up, and realize it was just a dream.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Let me just say that it's nearly always worth it.
My favorite Line would have to be "You wake up, and realize it was just a dream." Something about that is satisfying in an unsatisfying way. If that makes any since to you...
Either way, it was truly an interesting piece.
I also have to admit that the first two lines are true to anyone that interacts with another person. Life can be hard, and all around you are people who are only "there" not there.
Overall, I'd have to give it a 7/10. Which is good.
Good Luck To You.
Hey there! I thought this poem was intense. Right off the bat, wandering the abyss conjures up beautiful imagery. Though cliche, the metaphor of drowning for depression is very realistic, I know that as an unfortunate fact.
If I were to make a few comments, I only want to point out this part: Floating down to the bottom of the sea is the only thing left of you, your corpse.
Usually we float upwards, that is natures course, unless we are drowning and then we would be sinking. I'd suggesting changing the word floating to sinking or something heavier.
I have to say the end is a huge relief. If you didn't put the part about dreaming this whole poem would have been very different, and I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. It works much better because dreams are something we deal with every day. It doesn't take away from the reality of the situation's feelings, just the actual corpse part which gets a little real for metaphors!
All in all great poem, I have few criticisms, and I love the length because I am a huge fan of short poetry. If you can say it in as many words as this then you are a good writer! Keep it up!
Thank you. Maybe I could change "floating" to "drooping" or skmethingong the lines of that. Thank you so much for your comment! It really helps me out a lot, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This poem speaks some truth so I think a lot of people can relate to it. There is a lot of truth in the first lines
"In those moments where you want to die,
Everyone starts to care, and tell you everything will be fine."
It tells us of human nature. how we're all so wrapped up in our own lives that we don't stop and think of others until it's to late. The rest of the people shows it's the nature of both parties we the person in the poem decides to give up they forget about how the decision would affect not just themselves but others also.
To be truthful the poem kind of confuses me. I understand it until the person wakes up.
I like this poem though, it really makes people to think. to question themselves.
I tried to make it as realistic as possible. The day I wrote this, I was having a very difficult day, and it was how I was feeling. I'm glad you enjoyed it! It makes me feel like I did something right XD haha! Thanks again for your comment!