It was midnight, June 11th, 1993. Anne Childs had been in labor for over eight hours and her contractions were worse than death. She had her twin sister Clara and her loving husband Christopher at her side telling her to breathe deeply and try to relax.
Her screams echoed from within the little cottage located in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was a one room home that was barely enough for one person, let alone three. But Anne was persistent that the baby be born here, for Christopher built the home with his own two hands. But she also refused to go to a hospital for fear that her secret would be discovered. She would rather have her child at home where no person or thing could find them.
The child was to be her fourth. Her other three were mysteriously killed in a massive fire the year before when they lived in Madison. The fire department discovered quickly that it wasn’t an accident, but set on purpose. Many people were questioned and accused, but no one was found truly guilty of the heinous murders.
As soon as it happened Anne knew the culprit, but they wouldn’t get this child. She would protect it with all her strength and heart. She gave one last, hopeful push and the child was exposed to the world.
Clara gently picked up the newborn and carried her to the awaiting water tub outside. The only ones left in the house were Christopher and his wife’s diminishing body.
“Oh my love, finally we have another child!” Christopher said enthusiastically. “I promise it will be different this time darling. No one will dare touch the child with me around. We’ll get some hounds… Yes Irish Wolfhounds. A dozen of them! All loving and careful around our babies, but fierce and bloodthirsty toward intruders. Oh my sweet this house will never do with some many living here! I’ll build you a new one, with lace curtains and Persian rugs. It’ll…..” He trailed off. His young wife had yet to make a sound.
By now Clara had come back in with the child, now pink and clean. The poor thing was wailing at the top of its lungs wanting to be with its mother.
“Congratulations my dear sister, you….” She trailed off, noticing Christopher’s stillness. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. She walked slowly to the bed, watching Christopher the entire time.
“Come now my dear, it’s a beautiful baby girl”, she said sweetly. For she had not noticed Anne’s pain yet still placed the girl upon Anne’s breast. Anne put one hand upon the child’s temple and said words from an ancient language almost no one could understand.
As the words were said, Anne’s body went still. Clara shook her fiercely, attempting to wake her sister from the sleep she will never come out of.
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This was somewhat confusing, and I felt it went a little too fast for me. However, it's a pretty nice/sad story. I feel like you could have written more descriptions.
If I were you, this would be a prologue to a novel about a amazyfying little girl!!
Oh, and work on your grammar, it annoyed me from the beginning.
Here are a few things that I personally gathered that I was, well, a bit confused on.
1) "Many people were questioned and accused, but no one was found truly guilty of the heinous murders." was followed by, "As soon as it happened Anne knew the culprit, but they wouldn't get this child." This could potentially be an excellent gateway to the story, but that leads me into the next confusion.
2) The main character will possibly be the child, well, that's what I had gathered, but what will the name be? I thought Anne would have whispered something faintly along with her passing, but that may not be the best thought, honestly, I don't know, but yeah, okay.
3) This links to the first, I got sidetracked, anyway, this story, it will have a supernatural/mysterious aspect to it? Due to the fact that the 'culprit' seems to be out of the realm due to the fact that Anne, knowing whom it was to set the fire, still did not relinquish that information to the police.
That's just what my few questions for now, anyway, great story so far, I don't really have a title to suggest but if I think of one I'll comment.
~NotWithAFizzle
Thanks
Lol I did at first have Christopher going crazy and attempting to kill the child, but I'm in the process of changing that.
Heyy,



I like the where the story is heading too, you're writing style is very unique, it makes me want to read more
Though I still feel you could make a few minor changes, the suspense definitely holds the story together but I think you should expose a bit more of the story in this piece, it would create a really good effect.
I think if Christopher's role in the story would be more of the negative side, it would be really nice. Try creating some drama in the atmosphere.
My suggestion for the heading - Hidden secrets.
I'm looking forward to read more of this.
Keep writing
Dreamer girl.