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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
#FF0000 ">By moving the "" down,It gives this poem a little more depth.
Okay, firstly this is probably the shortest poem I have ever seen. I mean, I can't do anything with it.
I don't like it.
Short poems don't really work, unless you are very good at expressing your thoughts artistically. I mean like Robert Frost good. He has short poems, but they have double meanings. This poem could have no double meaning. It's basically a girl telling a guy "I'm not interested." Yes, good in theory, but really, you need some double meaning in there to make it work.
It's kind of cliche. There is no poetic junk stuck in there, no words that are original, or even that long.
This poem was a disappointment. It could be really good. So good! So work on it. Get an a thesaurus, pick a word, look it up. Choose one from the list that strikes your fancy. Then you could have a really good poem <3
As for the title, my thought was I'm not interested. Just a thought.
Nice poem lovey!
~Drama
There is a definite reason why short poetry, of all poetry, is difficult to write. It all pertains to words.
Now, as poets, we try very hard to be able to capture not only emotion and put some form of a reason forward, but we also try very hard to create something truly beautiful. Each word has its purpose. Each metaphor is in its rightful place. All things considered, poetry should be the power of words rather than power of patience and power of skill.
Writing a decent sized poem takes quite a bit of practice, let alone a small poem of few lines. Of course, the longer the poem, the more breathing room you have so some words don't have to be exactly perfect or effectually used. Its often looked over because the bigger picture becomes the most important aspect. Of course, in the case of short poetry, that bigger picture will not be effectual unless you use your words perfectly.
That being said, does this poem use its diction for better or worse? What makes this poem unlike any before or after it? Why should this be any different than any other poem? It all pertains to vocabulary and, in this case, lack there of.
You are blatant. You state things will an absolute bluntness that creates a shock of power but does not make really memorable or makes anyone truly feel anything at all. Simply speaking, you're stating what could easily be written in a diary entry, perchance, or a blog post. That 'this is exactly what I'm thinking right now' does not substitute for good poetry, though it is a fantastic start or structure. And if this is the subject matter you want to take, its imperative that you draw parallels and create some form of metaphor or imagery that attracts not merely the sense of knowing, but of sight and taste and smell and hearing.
Short poetry might be the hardest poetry to write simply because you really need to know what you are doing. I feel that this has a lot of potential but, as a whole, does not really work on its own. So, what I'm going to say is that this is a fantastic start. A good way of entering into what you want to do but not really achieving it quite yet. Merely, I feel this is more simply angst than poetry, and I'm sorry for that.
Give us something original. Poetry takes time and you're definitely on the right track, but you need to work on the 'poetic' standpoint that effects the reader than rather simply writing whats on your mind.
~Walker
i agree, short poetry is very difficult to write, and you did a nice job here. I disagree, however, with the need for punctuation. I only got to read it with the punctual revisions, but i do believe that punctuation is for the writer to use, or not use, depending on what they want to the flow to be. It was nice with punctuation, but i am curious to read it without it. Now, the only thing i would recommend changing is this,
I suggest that you change it to, "My mind will never be stuck on you."
It matches the flow of the poem better.
Keep writing,
arspoetica
This is the shortest poem I have ever come across. I can't believe it's even possible to write such a short poem. I can't even pick out a favorite stanza because there is only one! I liked the entire poem, as in, the first and last stanza. It's really good because it coveys a lot of feeling in just a few words. I do think you need a little more punctuation though. That's what I pick out in everything I review. Seriously. XD
No#FF0000 ">, I won’t believe you.
No#FF0000 ">, you don’t interest me.
My heart no longer beats for you.
My mind is never going to be stuck on you.
And no#FF0000 ">, I don’t trust you,
But #FF0000 ">still, thanks for asking.
Anyway, I think it takes a lot more effort to write such a short poem than a long one because in a short one you try to convey all your feelings in very little words. Which is exactly what you have done. So, good job! Keep Writing and I think you might just be able to write a lot more poems as short as this one. Also, your title. I think it could be "I'm through with you". Or, "Thanks for asking". The first one because that pretty much sums up what you're trying to say. And, the second one because I usually like to keep one of the sentences in the poem as the title and since it's the last line in this poem, it gives a little dramatic effect I guess. Anyway, good job, hope I helped and keep writing!
~HPR~