Published October 19, 2011
I love the idea of your hate,
I hate the feeling of your love.
Trust will never be given out,
To you once again…..
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140,582 Literary Works • 673,538 Reviews
It all seems to be the same thing said, but yes this poem needs to be expanded. It is very cryptic, yet clear at the same time. A bit paradoxical to be honest, but that is simply because it's length is but a few lines. It is a very good idea to expand on.
This concept is very good. Loving the idea of someone's hatred, their pain, their anguish, their jealousy, and hating when they are happy, when they feel these emotions, perhaps towards you, perhaps towards someone else. But that is biggest problem with this, no direction. No further explanation, nothing. This is simply a concept for a poem honestly. An idea for something to be laid out.
I agree with the previous reviewers...
you should extend this to further the poem.
But overall, I think you have an amazing beginning.
To extend and make this longer you could: say what you were thinking? What you smelled or tasted? What the emotion of this was? Or How you felt at this particular moment?
I hope this helps:)
-Rem
Hello,
So as has been stated you need to make this longer. Of what you have written the only thing I can comment on is that the last line is to short to work with the others, it messes up the flow. I think you should add more as to how it came to be that you hate thier love and love thier hate, some how say who they are, how they hurt you, and things such as that. As it is, it is too short and tells us nothing but two emotions towards this person or thing, not why you feel them. Add more and make it original. I can see this being good but if it is about an ex-lover try not to use cliches, because there are many.
How ever you decide to go about this, whether adding to it or leaving it as is, good luck
~Rain
Um, no offence, but it is way too short. I think you've got everything right- but the length! I think you should add much more verses to carry on your message. This poem obviously means something to you. I don't think four libes is enough to stress the meaning of the poen. With a lot more imagery you can make this a great poem. But don't worry, it is still good. But it has the potential to be fantastic
This needs to be expanded. Way too short and very hard to review when you only have four lines to comment on. You seriously need to put more effort in and expand your mind with further ideas. I don't wanna be mean but seriously, you do need loads more work and to be honest, this is all I can say. Just keep writing, you need at least six more stanzas put in!