Published September 27, 2011
Love is like a mighty phoenix.
It blossoms till fully grown,
then is burnt to ashes.
Only to be re-born,
to die once again....
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,627 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
Hi!
First of all, I do agree with the previous reviewers that 'Love' seems to be such a boring, non-colourful title for such a powerful piece of poetry you have there. I'd suggest that you to change the title into something more deep and meaningful. Something that represents the poem you have better.
Next, I'd like to say that you have a very creative and original simile for love. I really liked it. I thought that the simile fitted very well. So that was really good.
I also liked the sheer shortness and the simplicity of the poem. So, even though it could be elaborated a little bit more, I think its really simple and sweet the way it is. Well done for that.
Overall, I don't think I have any major critique on this poem, seeing as the poem is pretty short and not only is it short, its really powerful and is well... very good. Well done for the poem. Keep writing!
I agree, the title is too unoriginal for such a unique piece. If you're going to use 'Love' as your title, don't include it in you poem. Like this:
Love islike a mighty phoenix.It blossoms till fully grown, the 'blossom' doesn't flow well with the bird images you're sending to the reader
then is burnt to ashes. spruce up this line and make it more unique and less common place
Only to be re-born,
to die once again.... instead of 'die' use works like perish, etc.
Good job, it was short and refreshing .
-KatTrain
Simple but powerful. Good use of simile. My only critiques are: I think this would be more powerful as a metaphor rather than a simile - just take out the word "like" in the first line so that it reads "Love is a mighty phoenix" instead of "love is like a mighty phoenix"; also, "blossoming" is kind of a weird word to use since a phoenix is a bird, not a flower. So I would also change that.
But otherwise, good job! It's difficult to write a poem that is just short and to the point while still being poetic, but you did it.
~Blue
P.S. "Love" seems like too simple a title for this, however. Given the metaphor you use, I was thinking something along the lines of "The Phoenix and the Flame," if you're open to that.