Fish in the pond swim so free
Birds in the sky fly with glee
Spring has come and all animals stir
From the mouse in the corner
To the horse in the barn
The kittens like to tumble and play
While the donkey in the pasture just brays and brays
Mother duck must teach her ducklings to swim
The farmer is filling the pigs trough to the brim
And the children that like to dance and sing
To the young blue jay with a broken wing
Momma cow gives her baby all her milk
And the horses in their stalls with fur like silk
A goat protects her billy
While all the small fish protect one small blood lily
The raccoons teach their cubs to chatter and leap
And the old dog just lays in a heap
The petite farm is content for now
But please expect trouble with the new cow!
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi!
This is a very good start, especially if you're not a poetry person. It's creative in its themes and I liked it.
First of all, though, the title could use a lot of work. There is an extra 's' in "animals" and it does not invite the reader's interest at all. The phrase "lots and lots" just is too weak. Maybe you could change it to "On the Farm" or at the very least "Animals of the Farm" or something that has to do with the farm as well. Just some ideas.
I agree with Tm about the flow. If you read it out loud to yourself or someone else, you might notice that you have to go off rhythm sometimes at the ends of lines. I would change that. The only other thing is that I wish you would have used better words! It didn't interest me very much, so please spice it up a bit!
Overall, it's an extremely well done try and I hope to see I revised version sometime!
-Lili
This is a very promising piece of work. However, several lines don't quite flow. that is unless i dont have the right timing of the story. some revision might be necessary to make it top notch but its still a promising poem.