Farm

Hi there!

Oh my gosh, I love your username!! Anyway, my comments/corrections are in #400080 ">violet below:

AlyKat wrote:Spring has come and all animals stir,
the old calico is now shedding her fur.
Her kittens all tumble and play,
while the donkey just stands and brays #400080 ">will stand and brey.
#400080 ">I like the beginning to this. It's got a good rythm and it's a great start. I feel like I'm being told a story. The rhyme scheme seems to be an AABB, so I changed the last line a little so it rhymes exactly. You don't have to keep it like that, but I figured I'd suggest it anyway.

#400080 ">A mother duck teaches her ducklings to swim,
as farmer McKay fills the troughs to the brim. #400080 ">You seemed to have jumped a bit, from ducks to animal troughs, but it works all the same.
The town children all dance and sing,
to the young blue jay with a broken wing. #400080 ">Aw, can we fix his broken wing??

The sheep grow new wool like silk, #400080 ">I'm not sure if you can really compare wool and silk considering they're two different materials. But hey, it's your poem, you can do anything you want, right?
#400080 ">A momma cow gives he#400080 ">r calf her #400080 ">some milk.
A goat protects he #400080 ">his young Billy,
the goldfish protect their one small blood lily. #400080 ">I like this last line. Good imagery!

Raccoons teach their cubs to chatter and leap,
#400080 ">As Clyde the hound just lays in a heap.
But to his dismay a wolf stalks a coop.
The chicks all gather into a group. #400080 ">I have this really awesome picture in my head of a wolf stalking up to this chicken coup and all the little chicks get in a big clump and glare at him. Get the wolf little guys, get him! Just though I'd mention that.

Clyde jumps up and is poised to prance,
his growl is so fierce it was heard in France! #400080 ">So, is the farm close to France? If you're going to use that comparison, make sure you tell us where the farm is.
They circle and stare at each other,
but to the wolf's dismay Clyde had #400080 ">has a brother!

Charlie took the wolf by the neck,
he shook him to death and let the hens peck.
All rejoiced at the death of the beast,
Fleas begin the tango on the deceased.
#400080 ">This stanza is so cute! I can totally see all of the animals dancing around like the Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz. Ding, dong, the wolf is dead, the ugly wolf, the ugly wolf. ^_^

All are happy and all is well,
The church is even ringing its bell.
McKay's farm is happy for now,
But be ready for trouble with the new cow!

I liked this, it really created a picture in my mind. The rhyming was good, but the only problem was the rhythm. It took me a while to get into it. Still, great poem, keep it up!
-Anna

This is nice. I like the imagery and the rhyming. I especially liked the fact that you had proper punctuation. My only complaint is that it doesn't look that good. Perhaps you could split the poem into stanzas? Something like this for example:

AlyKat wrote:
Spring has come and all animals stir,
the old calico is now shedding her fur.
Her kittens all tumble and play,
while the donkey just stands and brays.

Mother duck teaches her ducklings to swim,
as farmer McKay fills the troughs to the brim.
The town children all dance and sing,
to the young blue jay with a broken wing.

Haha thanks

oooh i likeyy!!! you really created a picture!!!