Chapter 4 - Power

by Alvarin

Published May 31, 2014

12+

In Phoenix

A/N: 1302 words for The Last Man Standing.

It felt as if I was walking out of a haze when I opened my eyes. The blurred, unintelligible shapes from my dreams dissolved, and I could finally see the sharp edges that had come to signify reality for me. Two soft green eyes in an even softer face met mine, the worry manifesting in them as unshead tears.

“My lord?” He stroked my cheek, as if I was the one close to tears. “You're awake!” He more or less jumped on me, hugging me far too tight. “I thought you had...” His voice were cut off by a sudden sob, and I had to resist the urge to sigh as I hugged him back. This behaviour wasn't acceptable from an emperor, not even around me. “There was blood everywhere, and...”

“Shh.” My throat hurt, to the point where I had to force the sound through it. “It's alright now. I'm fine.”

“The physician said that you shouldn't talk, not until your throat has healed.” Once again I confirmed that his devotion was absolutely adorable, just the kind of thing you'd expect from a dog, but he was far from intelligent. Since when had a physician ever helped someone? All they did were drain things that didn't need to be drained, and make incisions where it shouldn't be done. Anyone who had ever gone to the academy knew as much, but then again, the emperor had never even visited the place. If he had been able to think for himself for a moment, rather than panicking, he would've realized as much.

“The green bottle in the alchemy room, get it.” I had barely said it before the emperor pulled away and hurried to get the tincture. I didn't know how much time had passed since I fainted, but the emperor apparently hadn't bothered to change his clothes even though there was blood on his shirt. He had always been so pliable, and as his power grew, so had my influence over him. And now my puppet is on the throne.

When he returned with the bottle I immediately uncorked it and drank a mouthful of the thick, foul-tasting liquid, frowning as I felt the lacerations itch and burn as they healed.

“Are you feeling better?”

I got up without a word, walking over to the big oak table that dominated a fourth of my room. On it I had spread out a big map of the empire which included all the regions.

“My lord?”

I was tired, enough to make me feel dizzy and unstable, but I knew I'd need to do this as soon as possible. Sending the knights out was just a safety net, my real plan had always been to track the feather myself. Find the feather, find the guardian, find the phoenix. It was a simple plan, and yet everything I had ever fought for relied on its success. The prophecy was going to come true, and I was going to force it to work in my favour, just like I had forced everything else.

“No, please don't use any more magic. You should rest.” I felt his hand grabbing onto the back of my shirt, tugging at it like a child. “Please, go back to bed.” His voice was pleading, and I knew that if I had asked he would have gone down on his legs and begged, without a doubt. He loved me, because I had made him to, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for me.

“I'll rest when I'm done. I'm doing this for your sake, you know.” I tried to conjure up what little energy I had in my body, this time concentrating it to my fingertips as I placed them against the map. It hurt, like magic always did, but not nearly as bad as it had before. This time it simply felt as if someone was driving needles out through my fingers, until the skin finally burst and small tendrils of blood and bright white energy danced over the map, gathering together as a small, pink, shining bubble in the north. “There. That's where your knights need to go.”

Before I even realized that I was slipping he grabbed a hold of me, supporting me as he led me back to the bed. The world once again lost it's sharpness, and the figures from before moved before my eyes, continuing the play as if nothing had happened.

***

As I woke up again it was dark in the room, with the exception of a candle burning low on the nightstand, close to going out. My right side was warm, as well as my chest, and I quickly identified the softly snoring source. Really now? I closed my eyes again, letting out a quiet sigh. I was too tired to get up and have to watch my every expression, so him being asleep was actually a relief.

The three main reasons that I preferred young boys were their pliable minds, their lack of power and their potential to gain power. Their bodies always came second to that, as it had too if I was to gain their trust and their love. Now the emperor was my puppet, the principal of the academy was my puppet, the general of the army was my puppet. The only powerful faction in the empire that was not yet at my disposal was the so called “holy” knight order, but I'd soon have a puppet among them as well. Slowly but surely my power was growing, and I wasn't going to let anyone or anything take it from me. Most certainly not some old prophecy.

“My lord?”

I turned my head slightly to look at the emperor, but it seemed he was still asleep, mumbling nonsense in his sleep. I pressed my lips against his, suppressing a smirk as he woke up almost immediately. I had been neglecting him a bit lately, as the preparations for the search for the phoenix had kept me occupied, but I couldn't keep on doing that. After all, this seventeen year old was the head piece of my puppet collection, the most popular number in my doll theatre.

“Y-you should rest.”

I shook my head a little. “I don't feel like resting right now.”

***

Morning came, and I felt my power return with it. The emperor refused to leave my side until I snapped at him. He had duties to attend to, and so did I. That I had lost two consecutive days was bothersome, to say the least. As always, I had things to do, and compensating for it would be a pain – especially since I felt so worn out. At least my servant had the sense to find a teacher for my new plaything, so that he'd learn the language. I hadn't quite decided where I should place him as he grew up, so it would have to depend on his skills, inherited or acquired. I would need a trusty spy or courier. Surely that skin would keep him well camouflaged during the night?

I smirked as I imaged the boy sneaking over the rooftops of the city – clad in all black, and resisted the urge to go find him. Instead I made my way out to the patio and through the well-kept and mace-like gardens. At the far end of the gardens, close to the eastern corner of the palace walls, was a small pond. Even though the wind made the vegetation around it bow, the pond was as clear as a mirror, but the images it reflected were completely different from the picturesque garden. Knights, riding, searching. It was only a matter of time. Soon they'd find the guardian, and he would lead them straight to the phoenix. And it will lead me into the history books.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Hannah
Review
Hannah wrote a review Review · Jun 29, 2014

Hey, Alvarin! It's been a while. I have to admit up front I kind of forgot what happened in chapter three, but luckily it's pretty clear in this chapter that this evil dude wants to find the phoenix feather.

Here's my first problem:

[quote]After all, this seventeen year old was the head piece of my puppet collection, the most popular number in my doll theatre.[/qutoe]

That's just an example. The problem is that this bad guy is way, way too aware of and proud of the "puppet collection" -- he talks too much about it in this chapter. I mean, you as the author are obviously aware that he's using these people as his puppets, and that's the way you characterize his relationship with them. But it gets a little bit unbelievable for this man to CONTINUALLY reference them as his playthings or his puppets or his plan. Like, I feel like he'd be more focused on his goal than on the pieces. Otherwise he seems more like he just likes controlling people and would be focused less on the goal. I think you have to kind of pick one, and SHOW which one he cares more about by the way he speaks of the situation. Have him speak of how his playthings help him toward his goal, what role they serve, but stop calling them dolls, etc.! That's how I feel about that, haha.

Also, aside from him getting taken care of, not a lot happened in this chapter, right? I like the image at the end of him looking at people getting things done for him -- see, he didn't even mention they were somehow under his control, just that they were people doing what he wanted to be done, and that made him feel way more bad in my eyes, haha.

Alright, so I hope these thoughts will be helpful to you!

PM or reply to the review if you have any questions/comments.

Good luck and keep writing!

Image

User avatar
crossroads
Review
crossroads wrote a review Review · Jun 18, 2014

Yo :3

I'm kind of randomly appearing, having (as you know) read all the chapters you posted so far - this one is maybe my favourite, though, so I'll start here c:
First off, this looks like a great novel-to-be, and I'll nag you till you either die or finish it ^.^ Just saying. I love the way you casually sneak in pieces of information which might or might not be really important in the future, and which tell about the past or the characters.
I might like to see a bit more description on occasions - of the room they're in, or Rayvore himself - but as it's from his POV, I can accept that he's not thinking of what he looks like or what colour are the walls he's seeing every day anyway.

So, the only thing I really have to comment on would be the second paragraph of the second part (after the first set of stars). Here you have:

The three main reasons that I preferred young boys were their pliable minds, their lack of power and their potential to gain power. Their bodies always came second to that, as it had too if I was to gain their trust and their love.


and then you go on about him having his puppets in powerful places, which is done really nicely, flowing easily and informing us without being infodump-ish. However, it's kind of a rough transition, maybe.
All the time after reading the thing about him putting other things before the boys' bodies, I expected something like "And yet, the emperor kept clinging to me, taking any opportunity he could to touch me, as if his physical presence made that much difference to me."
Without it, it just felt a little bit like he started thinking about one thing, but then his thoughts took a whole other path - which is believable and happens, of course, but when it's written down it still asks for some kind of transition, especially with someone like lord Rayvore, who seems so in control of himself and, well, everything.

Now, speaking of lord Rayvore. I loved him in the last chapter from his POV, and I love him more now, and it's not just because twisted possibly sadistic magicians are my type xD
Your characterisation is flawless, seriously. Each character seems really well defined, and they're all so very different. Even though you're setting up a relatively classic "mysterious prophecy, powerful villain, hero unaware of his role" kind of thing, it all fits really well and the characters don't seem flat or cliche at all, which is just so...refreshing :mrgreen: I adore Ray's voice, as well as the way you set up magic, making it at the same time his greatest strength and his (greatest?) weakness.

I'm curious about how his character will act and maybe change throughout the story. I'd ask you not to kill him, but then.. if you asked me not to kill a character, it would probably make me do it <.< SO nope, I won't ask you that xD But I do hope to see him play quite of a role, and I'm looking forward to seeing how his encounter with the other characters will go :3

So yes.. I'd say keep up the good work, but I know you already did/will, so~ I really really hope to see you finishing this c:
I'm done rambling now, I promise.. for now, anyway =]

Aria~

Oh by the way, I'm amused by casual avoiding of mentioning the emperor's name xD

User avatar
GreenLight24
Review
GreenLight24 wrote a review Review · Jun 1, 2014

Woah! Hey there, Alvarin. GreenLight24 here with a review of this AWESOME chapter on this fantastic Saturday evening. ;)

*clears throat* *stretches*

Okay, here we go.

Before I get into the constructive criticisms here, I've just gotta tell you that this chapter is so full of awesomeness that I can't even begin to describe it. Literally, the narrative voice you've created for Lord Rayvore is nothing short of amazing. Just from reading this single chapter, I could get a very good sense of what his goals and conflicts are as well as his conniving and manipulative personality. The dialogue was excellent and it effectively conveyed the sort of cat-and-mouse dynamic between Lord Rayvore and the emperor. What really makes this whole chapter awesome though is your characterization of the former in juxtaposition with the latter. It was cool how you told the story from Lord Rayvore's perspective and just kind of let the character of the emperor take shape and it worked to perfection. Watching the scenes between the two unfold was very entertaining and mentally stimulating too. One of the hardest things to do as a writer is to keep your reader actively engaged with your characters and the events of your narrative throughout the whole thing, but your interesting narrative voice and amusing descriptions of situations and events allowed you to do just that. Good stuff there...Really good stuff.

As far as constructive criticisms go, I don't really have any big ones. The only thing I would suggest to you is that you raise your right or left hand, bend it over your back, and give yourself a nice, long pat. You killed it with this one. Let me put it this way: If this chapter were a game of rock, paper, scissors, you would've just won 15 times in a row...That's assuming rock, paper, scissors actually required any skill whatsoever and that it required as much skill as it took to produce this chapter. Seriously, that was awesome. I might even have to read a few of your other chapters as well. :)

I would go on my regular generic reviewing shpeal and say "I hope this review was helpful for you." but I won't because, quite frankly, I could not think of anything I would suggest to make this better than it already is. Like I said, give yourself a pat on the back. Do IT NOW if you haven't already. Then, once you've finished doing that, I want you to go have some food; some really, really good food. Wash it down with your favorite beverage and then give yourself another pat on the back for good luck. ;)

Alvarin replied · Jun 1, 2014

This is like the nicest review I've ever gotten :D Thank you so much. I'm gonna go write some more now while I'm in a good mood ^^



XD YES !!!! EMBRACE THE POWER OF CAPS LOCK + EXCLAMATION!!!! no SHAME IN BEING EASILY EXCITABLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Euphory