Young Writers Society

Hi! Ineedy0u for a review here!
Just want to start off with I enjoy this poem, very well thought out. I thought that you did well to condense lots of feeling into this piece. It's hard to write a meaningful poem with such few lines, but you have succeeded! I liked how the poem ends, even though it isn't happy, because it ha feeling in it. Like you are sad to see them go, but it is for the best since you no longer have the feelings you once had. I see that they couldn't get along and this makes sense because like a lot of couples they have their differences, but this poem seems sad since they couldn't pull it together.
The only complaint I have is where you put punctuation, it seems as if they are placed randomly. I think I'd like to see them at the end of each stanza.
Anyway you are a very good poet, especially for 17. Keep up the great work!
I might be back for another review when you post another!

Oooo I must say I liked this a lot. So very true especially in public or private school drama.

The rhythm and rhyme I rather enjoyed, but I do think your fourth stanza is a bit out of place since the syllable count is off. I also don't think the laugh in the middle fits very well. It kind of breaks the train of thought. And I hate to be nitpicky, but you should have a period after "dead" or a semicolon.

Other than that I liked it. Thumbs up from me.

~Keepwriting!

I can understand what the poem means. Huge props for that! The syllable count is a bit jagged on some of the lines, and this causes the flow to come to halt at some spots. Maybe making a couple of the lines shorter in syllables (your first line, for example, is 4 and 5, while your second one is 2 and 9), or even just taking and splitting it off and making a whole new line all together would work as well. Whichever you think would be the best fixer-upper approach. But, your work is promising, and I hope that you keep up, as I'm excited to see what else you might come up with. Have a nice day!