Published June 14, 2011
this is the first poem i've posted on lyric poetry, and to tell you the truth i don't even know of it belongs here, so just be gentle about what you think but be honest. that's all i ask.
Night comes,
bringing a full moon.
Shining down like a brilliant cone of white light,
like streaks of soothing beauty.
Flowers glow at it's gentle kiss of harmony.
Fireflies come as if drawn by it's promise of peace.
Dancing orbs of white light,
as if unable to help themselves.
Souls of the dearly departed,
come to find rest in it's enticing light.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
short, simple and interesting.
Your poem was beautifully written. It flowed with nice a rhythm and was easy to read. I loved how you compared the objects and sights. Nice job.
Great work!
It makes me think of peaceful summer nights. I like how the poem is very descriptive and full of imagery. The only grammatical issue I could find is that the begging of each line should be capitalized I think. The part
was my favorite. So awesome job and keep writing!Night comes,
bringing a full moon. I think this should be a comma
Shining down like a brilliant cone of white light,
like streaks of soothing beauty.
Flowers glow at it's gentle kiss of harmony.
Fire flies come as if drawn by it's promise of peace. Fireflies is one word.
Dancing orbs of white light, Not sure if the repetition of "of white light" was intentional or not. I don't think it's a big thing but maybe something else on one of them would make it sound more flowing. If it was intentional, though, it's fine.
as if unable to help themselves.
Souls of the dearly departed, I don't think you need this comma here.
come to find rest in it's enticing light.
I thought this was a really good poem, and I think it does belongs here (in Lyrical Poetry)!!! There were only a few small mistakes in my opinion, which you don't even have to take into account. I love night time and this poem gave me a new beautiful view on it! Great job and keep writing!!! I hope I'll get the chance to read some of your other poems. ♥
I'm not really an expert on poetry, but I really liked this. It felt original, and brought to mind the peace of being outside on a beautiful spring night. I especially liked the part about the fireflies (lightning bugs, as we call them around here); very sweet and simple. Well done!
Hi Janika,
Here for a review! I enjoyed your poem. It's short and to the point, but very lyrical. Nice job! First of all, I have a few nitpicks.
My only concern is that I felt that the poem wasn't quite finished at the end. The last sentence seems to me like one of the major ideas of the poem. It's like writing a story and ending it with the climax. It would be more complete if you would add another sentence or two to close it off and make it more final.
Other than that, I thought you did a nice job. I think it's lyric poetry (I'm a bit muddled myself on the meaning) but it's close enough anyway. Nice work!
Sare
I like your poem! I think it was pretty and you didn't use too many cliche phrases. Also i especially liked the part about "dancing orbs of light." Over all i really liked it and it made me feel calm and peaceful. You should join the poetry club!
i just read you review of my poem ans i wanted to say i appreciate it ans ask you about the poetry club you mentioned.