Morning Routine

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite an intense story for something with that kind of title...xD...but well it was certainly quite an interesting one, and also painting quite a horrible picture for our poor protagonist there...well more details down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, at 5:00 a.m., I rise to get ready for the day. I shower, brush my teeth, pick out my outfit, and eat a healthy breakfast. I make sure my homework is done. I make sure all the chores that I have been assigned for the day are done, and I make sure I look my absolute best. Then, I make sure my little brother, Joseph, has eaten and has showered properly. I dress him up in a cute outfit and escort him to the bus and wait until the bus leaves, before I venture on home. After I finish making sure everything on my checklist for the morning is completed, I take a seat on my neatly made bed, put my head in my hands, and scream.

Screaming lets me get out all of the anger and frustrations I know I’m eventually going to be facing throughout the day. When I’m done with my usual screaming session, I sit up, prim and proper of course, and stare at the wall in front of me and think.

During my normal thinking period, I think about school. I think about how I hate it and how I get this horrible pain that rushes through my entire body whenever I hear someone utter the words, “students”, “grades”, and “teachers”. I think about how school makes me feel and how it doesn’t even make me feel good at all. I think about how everyone in my school thinks that straight A students don’t get stressed and overwhelmed about school. How they automatically assume that because we’re straight A losers, we must enjoy coming to school each and every day, because we find joy within the walls. Then, I think about how wrong they are, because I am a straight A student, with 4.0 GPA, who is captain of Chess Club, and president of the National Honor Society, and it’s safe to say that I find absolutely no joy in coming to school. I find no joy in having to complete 7 hours of homework, that only helps in stressing me out, and providing me with me no extra practice, that my teachers claim “will help me in the near future”. I find no joy in seeing mentally disabled kids getting picked on by girls who, for some strange reason, think they are much better them. I find no joy in walking down the halls, every single day, feeling as if I’m concealed in a prison, and I’m the only one who did no wrong. I find no joy when I try to ask my teacher a question, they immediately try to act as if I’m dumb for not understanding what they are saying, and try to embarrass me in front of the class. And yet, they are supposed to be my educators. I find no joy in that fact that whenever I tell my school counselor that I want to go to a school like Yale or Princeton, he stares at me blankly, then informs that I should “be more realistic with my goals”. I find it quite vexatious, that just because he was forced to go to some state school, he wants me to as well. Aren’t counselors supposed to help you reach your goals, not crash them down?

I don’t like school, and I don’t like what it’s done to me. I used to be happy and completely full of life, and now I walk through the halls, like a zombie, except I want to die and not come back to life. I hate, I hate it, I hate it. But I’m forced to go there, because adults think it’s a good idea for their kids to get a great education, and what better way to get an education is to go to a place that consists of : bullying, snotty brats, uncaring teachers, useless counselors, pounds and pounds of ineffectual homework, and a priceless amount of pain and anxiety. I mean, what could go wrong?

I usually stop thinking, at that moment, because I get to mad to maintain my thoughts. I rise from bed, straighten my outfit, adjust my hair bow, and walk out the door to the soul draining place that is only known as: high school.

An unpredictable piece but something that I believe most young, bright people will be able to completely relate to. The stresses of school are beyond what I could ever have expected when moving up from junior school and I agree with many of the reasons you have put about why school stresses you out and why you're not a big fan.

I'm at college at the moment, going into my second year and although it will be good to go back after the summer, I know that two weeks in I was wishing I was at home again.

The homework side is a pain but knowing that you're a straight A student should give you the motivation to ignore the other factors e.g. the bullying girls because you know that you're so much more likely to go further than them i.e. job prospects and by the sound of things your whole attitude.

It's a very clever piece in my opinion and a good read however one constructive point would be to split the third paragraph up into more paragraphs to make for a slightly easier read of that section.

Altogether an enjoyable read and I'm glad I took the time out to read it.

Best of luck!

Hi, welcome to YWS, I'm fairly new here too and this is actually my first review so sorry if it's not great XD

Firstly, I really liked how you began listing weekdays, it put emphasis on how repetitive the routine is for this character, I like how this is further emphasised by the almost emotionless first paragraph. The character seems to be doing everything almost automatically, and she seems to be holding back her emotions and I really like how you end this paragraph with 'put my head in my hands, and scream'. It really contrasts with everything we've just learnt about that character and it gives the character more depth.

I like how you've expressed most teenager's hatred towards school, the only thing I would comment on is that it seems too 'list like'. The character doesn't elaborate much, it just goes from one example to another, I might suggest maybe making it more personal, maybe just by adding little touches like people's names, who are these girls who pick on the kids with disabilities? Of maybe just add some more description of the school, teachers or other students?

I like how at the end she seemingly returns to how she was at the beginning, concealing her actual emotions. I really do like your writing style though, it's really clever, and I like how you've created two contrasting atmosphere's in this piece!

(Sorry if I rambled a bit!)

-els

Allthingsflawless, hello! I believe we haven't met. Welcome to Young Writers Society, if you need help learning the ropes on this site just let me know!
If you do like all things flawless, I apologize. I found some flaws. I hope you don't mind, I'm sure you don't. One question: is this about you? Okay. Now. Get ready...for this! I think you have some pretty short chores. I mean, seriously, mine take hours to complete, along with a bunch of other things. And really, supposedly older people have more chores.

"I make sure all the chores that I have been assigned for the day are done..."
Yet another error. I'm sure you won't like this. Here: DO YOU HAVE SCHOOL??????? Please, answer me. It's a crime not to, with it being awesome. Or at least I think it is. Does your brother have an earlier tardy time than you do? Why don't you go to school?
"...and escort him to the bus and wait until the bus leaves, before I venture on home."
Really, I think the colon's flattered and all, but you don't have to put extra space around it to make it settle in. I think so.
"...and what better way to get an education is to go to a place that consists of : bullying..."
I think this was pretty flawless, just three nitpicks. You may become a realistic fiction author someday, and wait for me when I start publishing horrible stories and emailing you about a flood of rejection notes! Hehe, I think I'm kidding, but I really don't know if my writing's worth it. Your works are, though, and you should follow your dreams. If this is actually talking about you, then keep wishing-it might come true! Personally, I think I want to go to Harvard...

-wisegirl22

Hey there ,

I have to say this piece wasn't at all what I was expecting when I clicked on it, and that's not a bad thing! It's good to be unpredictable, or else your readers will get bored, so kudos on that .

I also liked how dramatic, and even a little grim, this story was. It felt almost like a commentary on teenage angst, and how it's not always completely invalid. That being said, it was a little bit shocking how extremely dramatic your protagonist is. At first, when she sat on her bed and started screaming, I was pretty shocked, and my first reaction was to assume that she had some kind of psychological issue, a serious psychological issue like schizophrenia or something. Maybe that's just me, admittedly I do tend to make drastic leaps, or maybe the goal was to get the reader's attention, in which case you succeeded. I just don't know how believable that was. Those were just some of my first thoughts at the beginning of the piece.

Another thing I just want to point out is the way the girl talks about all the things that happen in her school. A lot of the stuff seems like things people would cope with and move on, ambitious, straight A students included. In fact the protagonist even mentions that the others in her school don't seem to care as much as she does. So I was just thinking maybe it'd be interesting if she really did have some kind of disorder, anxiety more specifically, or even depression. This would explain the sort of drowning feel the piece has, like these responsibilities she has are going to kill her when really they're things that a lot of people deal with all the time. Just some thoughts I had.

Other than that, cool piece, cool idea, good way to handle it. Keep writing!

Hey there! Welcome to YWS by the way!!! Mind if I give you a review?

OK, so this was full of a lot of typical teenage frustration... I like that. It's something that so many teens probably feel, yet it doesn't get said too often. Sure kids will say: "Man! I HATE school!" but there isn't normally a reason given.
I'm homeschooled, myself, and so I can't comment too much on the school aspect of this story... or at least, the social aspect of school.

One thing that I'd like to mention is your title. I wasn't drawn in by it, I only clicked on this because of your description of you story... the title it's self suggests something very boring. I don't like reading boring stuff, and in fact most people don't. So think about your title for awhile. Morning Routine... The way I see it, it's not really about her morning routine. It's more about stress and frustration with school.

I'm really can't explain how to come up with a title very good at all, so here's a good article: Presenting your Presentation: Titling your Title!

I found this one very helpful, myself.
( I'm not sure if links work in reviews, so if it doesn't I'll try getting it to you another way )

I really liked your ending. Some how it packed a lot of punch even though I new it was coming, and it wasn't even a big deal... I don't know what it was about it, I just thought is was well done.

This was written in a very ramble-y way. I think that this would work better if you did a little less of the explaining what she does in the morning, and a little more of us seeing what she does in the morning. I just found it a little hard to follow, and it was not too interesting in the way that you described this- I understand that this might be a work that is not suppose to be too entertaining, but nonetheless, you don't want people to stop reading it in the middle.

This was a really pain-filled piece, and I can certainly relate. I want to be finished with school more than anything!!! Keep up the awesome writing! See you around!

-Socks

Hello there, and welcome to YWS, by the way.

When I clicked into this, I was expecting it to be a sort of stereotypical teenage drama sort of thing, and was pleasantly surprised when, by the end of the first paragraph, it wasn't.

I do think that you could work on your writing style. This as you have it is very cut-and-dry, and sort of has a feel of "this happened, then this happened", which makes it kind of uninteresting to read. I'm sure you've heard of the age-old rule "show and don't tell", meaning that you tell the story through senses and description rather than just... telling it. For instance, instead of saying something like,

"The trash can smelled horrible,"

you could write,

"Alice wrinkled her nose at the pungent odor rising from the trash can."

Much better, no? Anyway, I suggest using this technique in your writing more.

My main problem with this story is that it pretty much doesn't have a plot, which makes it more of a rant than a story. I recommend incorporating some sort of plot into this. Instead of just stating everything so plainly, you could create characters and flesh your plot out through them. I get the feeling that this is supposed to be you expressing your frustration at school, but I think you could use some writing elements to make it more interesting. Perhaps instead revealing everything the character is thinking all at once, you could show us by fleshing out the plot. I think this would improve the story and make it more interesting.

I think that's about it for critique, so now, for what I liked!

This was very relatable. I'm sure that just about everyone who is around high school age can relate to this on some level. I for one feel frustrated like this on a regular basis, and I'm so glad that I'm not the only one. Good on you for pointing out something that no one ever does. I really enjoyed that aspect of the story. Also, I like the idea of it being the "smart girl" who hates school. It's usually the lazy kid.

Is this a one-shot or will it have more chapters in the future? The way you end it sort of makes it seem like it will...

Also, is this based off of your real experiences?

Overall, pretty good work, but I think you could improve by fleshing out your characters more. Keep on writing!