Threads Of Life

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Chapter 1:

Two Dreams Collide

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It was exactly 7 a.m. A 21 year-old girl with pale skin, chocolate brown hair and a height of 5 feet 4 inches was sleeping comfortably in her bed. She rolled over and smiled as if having a pleasant dream. Slowly and sweetly, her eyes fluttered open and she sat up straight. She took a deep breath and looked at the calendar.

21st September: Buy boutique

“Finally.” She said, smiling. She got out of her bed and looked around her room. Fabrics and ribbons were all scattered over the floor. It was going to be hard walking across all of them. She picked them all up in both arms. She walked over to the junk basket and stuffed it all inside. She dusted her hands and said, “Done cleaning.”

She walked over to the mirror and saw her unkempt hair. Picking up a thick comb, she brushed it several times until her chocolate brown, caramel highlighted hair was neat. She picked out an outfit from her cupboard and went into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, she came out in a light beige chiffon dress skirt with draping sleeves and tiny red and green dots along with skinny jeans, brown fringe boots and a light beige purse. She placed her room’s keys in her bag and left her room, locking it from the inside. She walked down the marble staircase which led to the kitchen. Upon stepping down the last step, her motherly housekeeper Janice came to her with a plate. It had a chicken sandwich, neatly cut and prepared on it.

“Here you go Allison dear.” She said, handing it to her.

“Thanks so much.” Allison said, taking a bite of the sandwich. After swallowing the first bite, she smiled and said, “This is delicious. Where’s Jacob?”

Janice sat down on one of the kitchen’s chairs and said, “He’s gone off to work. He wished you best of luck.”

Allison gave her a sheepish smile and sat down to eat her sandwich. Her brother never was at home. He was always busy with his job IT Project Manager. He rarely was at home and she usually had to manage herself. To think, he would stay home on that one special day.

She quickly finished her sandwich, drank a glass of orange juice and picked up her purse.

“Bye.” She said, waving her fingers to Janice.

She slowly walked out of the front door and let go of all her worries with a sigh. She looked out and saw the sun glowing warmly and the surrounding air had become golden. The smell of pie was wafting around the neighbourhood. A tall mall building towered on the right, far away from her neighbourhood.

“Well, better start walking my way.” She said, in a sarcastic voice. “No car, yippee.”

She began her long walk to the mall.

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“Danny! Eat your damn eggs!” A female voice cried from the kitchen.

Young, blonde and blue-eyed Danny stuck out his tongue and cried, “No! You a howibble cook!”

A tall 23 year-old girl with short black hair, green eyes and ivory skin ran out of the kitchen angrily, a plate of some black stuff. She was wearing a black sweater, jeans and converses. Her face was looking really pretty, probably because of the make-up she had applied. Right now, she was furious. She threw the plate towards her little brother, who dodged it and it hit the green wall, breaking in tiny pieces.

“Damn it!” She cried. She saw her brother sticking out his tongue at her again. She shouted angrily, “It’s all your fault! Come here you!”

She ran at top speed and grabbed him by the collar. With it, she lifted him a feet above the ground and said, “What the bloody hell is your problem?”

“You’re cooking is howibble…you’re howibble!” He shouted abruptly. He struggled to free himself crying, “Let me go! Let me go!”

She let him go and he fell on the ground on his butt. He glared at her and cried, “You’ve become a really bad person! Ever since mom died you’ve been…”

The girl slapped him and slowly said, “Don’t you say a word.”

Danny’s hand flew to his light pink cheek and tears seemed to be welling up in his eyes. He shouted, “I hate you!” and ran back into his room.

“Grrr!” The girl growled, gritting her teeth and clenching her fists. She took a deep breath and took out a cigarette from her jean’s pocket and fell back into her couch.

With a lighter, she burnt it and began breathing in the poisonous air. After it was completely burned down, she threw it in the ash tray on the old coffee table. She looked at her clock. It was 8 a.m. She quickly got up, took out her bag from a dressing table and quickly left, her mood still rotten from earlier.

This was the daily morning routine of Kristen Amanda. Eat breakfast, fight with Danny, smoke and leave for another rotten day of work at her own parlour, which was perhaps the least successful business in the mall. What she didn’t know was that, on that day, her life was going to change.

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Four handsome guys were sitting in a large spacious room with dark red walls and white furry sofas. A large sign reading ‘Elements’ was stuck on the wall. There was a mini-fridge on a side of the room. Some guitars were hanging from a wall. One guy had medium length straight black hair with side bangs and ocean blue eyes and was 6 feet. Two others were twins with short dirty blonde hair, orange highlights and grey-blue eyes were 5’10. The oldest one had long brown hair with accents of blonde and was 6 feet 4 inches. They all were lazying around on their individual couches.

“Oah.” One twin groaned. He yawned, “I’m so damn bored.”

The other twin looked at him with a sarcastic look and sarcastically said, “Why don’t you right a good song?”

“Why don’t you right a good song?” The twin imitated him.

Both of them began bickering. The eldest guy came in between them and pushed them aside, saying, “Break it up you two. Both of you are being childish now. Right Shane?”

Shane, the guy with black hair, sighed. He sat up straight and announced, “I’m going out to the city.”

The three guys stopped fighting and looked at him, confused. One twin spoke up, “Are you crazy man? Those fangirls will hoard you!”

Shane got up from his sofa and cried, “I don’t care.”

He walked out of the room and disappeared. The sound of screaming girls filled the three guys’ ears. Shane came back ten seconds later, his clothes torn and his hair horribly messy.

“Told ya.” One twin said.

Shane fell back into his sofa and cried, “What are we gonna do sitting here all day?”

The other twin placed a hand on his shoulder and said, “Look dude, it’s only till our bodyguard comes back from McDonald’s with our lunch.”

He made a disgusted face and said, “I’m sick of McDonald’s. Every single day. I’m going to puke.”

The eldest one srood beside him and said sarcastically, “The only way you can sneak out is if you sneak out at night with a disguise like a wig and glasses.”

Shane clapped together his hands and stood up excited.

“Don’t tell us, Luke just gave you a bright idea.” One twin said, worried.

“Perfect! I can sneak out tonight with a blonde wig and a nice pair of glasses.” Shane cried excitedly.

Luke grinned and placed his hand on his shoulder and said, “This ain’t Hannah Montana dude. This is reality. Ethan, Jake tell him what he’s doing is wrong.”

Ethan bit a chocolate bar and said, “Yeah dude. What if you get caught? You already got us in trouble after your series of breakups with actresses.”

Jake chuckled and said, “You never get along well with girls.”

Shane growled, “The only reason I broke up with every one of them…was because they liked my fame and my money. Nothing else.”

“That’s Hollywood for ya.” Luke said, falling back into his couch. Shane looked upset, so Luke added, “Look dude, we need to keep a low profile. Plus, think up something for our next album.”

“We need something new.” Jake added, placing his hands in his pocket.

Shane looked at them and cried, “That’s why I’m going out around the city. Maybe…. I’ll get an inspiration.”

Ethan placed his hand on his shoulder and said, “Listen. Whatever you do will affect us. Think before you do anything stupid.”

After saying this, he sat down on his couch and asked, “Understand?”

Shane didn’t reply, he just had a mischievous look in his eyes.

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Kristen trudged through the mall, bumping into different people along the way.

“Sorry.” “Make way.” “C’mon.”

In reply, she got, “Hey!” “Watch it.” and “Idiot.”

She was completely depressed when she reached the salon. Her depression turned into worry and confusion when she saw Mr. Phoenix, the mall’s manager, and Allison, who was a stranger to her.

There was a moment’s silence. Mr. Phoenix spoke up, “Good, You’re hear Miss Treavor.”

“What is is Mr. Phoenix? Did something happen?” She asked, confused.

He nodded and said, “This young lady wants to buy your salon so she can make it a boutique.”

Upon hearing this, Kristen looked at Allison and cried, “What? How do you think I’ll make my living?”

Mr. Phoenix took off his glasses and wiped them with a handkerchief. He put them on again and said, “You haven’t paid three months’ bills yet. This young lady here is ready to pay full price.”

Allison added, “I’ve been collecting this money since I was twelve. Please…”

“Then buy some other place in this dump!” Kristen shouted.

“Lower your voice Miss Treavor!” Mr. Phoenix said sternly. He lowered his voice and added, “Your salon is not even popular. We were already considering shutting you down.”

“But…” She said, half-choking.

“No buts.” He said, growing a bit red.

“If there’s a problem, I can, if possible, share this with her.” Allison suggested, feeling the growing tension.

“Well…” Mr. Phoenix said, calming down. He looked at Kristen and said, “If Miss Treavor is fine with it.”

“What!?” She cried, but then caught sight of Mr. Phoenix’s face. She swallowed and half-heartedly said, “Okay.”

“Great!” Allison cried, taking out a wad of cash from her bag. She handed it to Mr. Phoenix, who gladly counted it, place it in his coat pocket and said, “You can start working here today.”

He left soon after passing a look to Kristen. After he was out of sight, Kristen imitated him and looked at Allison with a disgusted look. Forced against her will, she said, “Come on inside.”

Allison saw her forced smile and said, “Hi, I’m Allison. You’re name?”

“Kristen Dakota Treavor.” She replied flatly and walked into the salon.

The ‘salon’ was nothing more than a few chairs lined together in front of three mirrors and messy tables with make-up and applying tools scattered everywhere. The walls had an ugly green wallpaper on them. The floorboards were cracked.

“We’ve got more work than I expected.” Allison sighed.

“We?”

“Yeah. I’m also an owner of this place now.” She said, making her point.

Kristen murmured something under his breath angrily and folded her arms. She said, “You do it yourself.”

Allison placed her hands on her waist and said, “Okay. I’ll start by removing these mirrors and then the wallpaper.”

Kristen paid no heed to her and sat down on a seat, to rest. She knew noone was going to come for a makeover that day. Everything bad was happening to her, so she dozed of to sleep.

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When Kristen woke up, she was surprised to see that the floor was covered with old newspapers. All the furniture, except Kristen’s chair had been removed from the room. The mirror’s weren't in their place. She saw Allison in a pair of slacks and a loose shirt. There was a small scratch on her hand. She was dipping her paint roller in a solution of hot water and liquid detergent. She then rolled it over a large area of the wall. While she was rolling the solution, the other end was getting dry. She quickly stripped the wallpaper where the dried solution had been applied. It looked fun and she was getting messy. While agressively pulling one strip of wallpaper she fell back. Instead of making a fuss, she laughed and got up on her feet again.

“She’s a weird girl.” Kristen said to herself. She looked at the clock and saw that it was 4 p.m. She thought, Boy, I was out.

She got up from her place and walked up to the wall. She took a roller and dipped it in the hot water. Allison was rolling the solution over the wall when she bumped into her.

“Hey. You’re up.” She said.

“Yeah.” Kristen said, rolling the solution over the other wall.

Allison had a small smile on her face and began peeling off the wallpaper again. After two hours, all the paint was gone.

Kristen dusted her hands and looked at the naked grey walls. She then asked Allison, “Where are the mirrors?”

“I got an idea for them.” Allison grinned. She added, “You’ll get them tomorrow.”

Kristen nodded. She then asked, “What now?”

“Umm…” Allison thought out loud, looking around the place. She finally said, “Now we’ll have to replace the floorboards.”

“Who’s gonna pay for it?” She snorted.

Allison calmly said, “Me.”

Kristen stopped laughing and her face dropped. She said, “Oh.”

She took out her Apple I-phone and said, “I’ll just call my uncle. He’s owns a floorboard replacing company. I’m sure he’ll give us a good price.”

She dialed his number and placed the phone near her ear. “Hi uncle Mark…I’m fine…yeah, Jacob’s fine too….hey, um, so I bought a new shop and was wondering if you could tell your men to replace the boards with nicer, light brown ones…I’ll pay too……really?....thank you so much!... So they’ll come tomorrow? Okay. I’ll be at the shop at eight, tomorrow morning…thanks again…bye!”

She ended the call and smiled at Kristen, “He’ll do it for free.”

“Really?”

“I’m his favourite niece.” She smiled slyly, placing her I-phone in her bag. She added, “Meanwhile, could you go buy some paint?”

She handed her some money and said, “I’d prefer if you bring something like aqua chiffon.”

A bit offended, Kristen made a face. She folded her arms and tapped her foot on the broken floorboards.

“Pleeaazze.” Allison said, clasping her hands together.

Kristen let out an annoyed sigh and said, “Didn’t you eat lunch or dinner?”

“I can go home and eat. This is much more important.” She argued. She suddenly realized what she meant and said in an apologetic tone, “If you’re hungry, you can go buy something for yourself.”

Kristen nodded and left.

She returned after fifteen minutes with two large cans of paint in her hands and two sandwiches in a paper bag, held tightly by her teeth. She placed the cans on the floor and released the bag from her teeth and into her hands.

“Here.” She said, pointing towards the paint.

Allison smiled and said, “Let’s start paintin’.”

“Uhhh, you do it.” Kristen said, biting into her chicken sandwich.

Allison sweat-dropped and sighed. She asked, “What’s the other sandwich for?”

“My little bro.” She said, grumbling.

“Oh.” Allison said and picked up the paint roller.

She began painting the walls with the aqua chiffon paint and it took her about two hours to paint all the walls. She had never done so much work in her life, but it was worth it. She panted, “There…all…done…it’ll…be…dry by…tomorrow…”

Her face with covered with dots of paint and sweat rolled down her puffy red cheeks. She looked at the seat where Kristen was sitting. She was gone.

“She…left…” She panted. She saw the keys of the shop on the floor.

She picked them up, put them in her purse and went into the boutique’s changing room to get back in her outfit. She came out after a few minutes and left the boutique, making sure she had locked it when she left.

She saw that the mall was about to close too. Quickly, she left the large building. The minute she stepped out of the mall, all the lights were shut and there was total silence.

“Awkward.” She said to herself.

She walked onto the pavement, waiting for a taxi. The streets were dark except for the street lights which only illuminated parts of the pavement. Under one such street light, four drunken men sat, talking nonsense to themselves. Allison watched them with a disgusted look. One of them noticed him and indicated to his companions of her presence. There was noone else on the street except the cars passing by, who didn’t seem to notice them. The four men surrounded her.

“Whatcha waitin’ for sweetheart?” One man asked, grabbing her hand.

Allison’s eyes grew wide. She cried, “Let me go!”

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Shane silently walked through the streets, trying his best not to be noticed. He wasn’t looking like the incredibly handsome Shane Taylor, but a cute blonde with bright blue eyes and thin-framed glasses.

“This sure is quieter, for a change.” He said to himself. He remembered, “Remember, you’re not Shane Taylor. Just a regular guy.”

He kept walking along the dark streets, his hands in his denim jeans, keeping himself unnoticed. He thought he had heard a girl’s screams. Ignoring it, he walked towards a coffee shop. He heard it again. It was coming from the corner of the street on the right. Alarmed, he ran towards the direction.

He was horrified to see four drunken men harassing a young girl. For a second, he thought, Well, I always wanted to test my karate skills.

At top speed he ran towards one of the men, whose back was towards him and kicked him away. This alarmed the other three and they turned towards finishing the guy who had interrupted them. Shane kicked the other two out of the way. He punched the fourth one in his stomach. Grabbing him by his leg, he threw him at the wall of an old red-brick house.

Allison sat on the ground, crying. When the four were out of the way, Shane kneeled down to be face to face with her. He saw her brown bangs all over her face, her cheeks red, her eyes bloodshot and a part of her shirt torn. Worried, he asked in a soft voice, “Are you alright?”

“I’m f-fine.” She stuttered. Shane pushed aside her bangs and wiped her tears.

He smiled at her and said, “Are you sure? They didn’t…hurt you, did they?”

Allison nodded and said, “If you hadn’t come, they would have. Thank you so much.”

Shane heard his band’s car’s horn and was horrified when he saw his muscular bodyguard, along with his band members scouting the area for him. “I gotta go.” With these words, he disappeared in a flash. Allison kept looking in the direction. She took a deep breath, got up to her feet and returned home by foot.

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How was it? It’s my first story so please review and tell me what you think! I took some time thinking over this story and please tell me if I made a mistake, because I’m only fourteen.

~AllisonBrooke~

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Shearwater
Review

Hi Allison, Pink here, dropping by do a review.
First of all welcome to YWS! :D I hope you have a good time here!
Secondly, I'm going to review this piece with my entire head so I'm sorry if I come out harsh in some parts, I really just want to help you :)
Okay, so here we go!

It was exactly 7 a.m. A 21 year-old girl with pale skin, chocolate brown hair and a height of 5 feet 4 inches was sleeping comfortably in her bed. She rolled over and smiled as if having a pleasant dream. Slowly and sweetly, her eyes fluttered open and she sat up straight. She took a deep breath and looked at the calendar.
21st September: Buy boutique

First of all, you want to start a story off with a boom and turn heads. But here you start with a short sentence that says what time it is. Not very appetizing. Then you go on to explain your character. You can always shove this off until a little later right now we want something to get our taste buds going and this is sort of bland.
Plus, I think taking a deep breath should be replaced with maybe a yawn? I kind of find it strange she'd have to take a deep breath, maybe it's just me though.

“Finally.” She said, smiling

I'm guessing you have some troubles with proper punctuation.
"Finally," she said smiling. (Correct)
"Finally," she smiled. (Also correct)
"Finally." She said smiling. (incorrect) why? Because the quote is being said and it needs to be connected with the action word which is 'said'. Adding the period cuts it off and it doesn't go together. I'm no teacher but if you still don't understand you can always go to this website and it gives you some examples. :)

She walked over to the mirror and saw her unkempt hair. Picking up a thick comb, she brushed it several times until her chocolate brown, caramel highlighted hair was neat. She picked out an outfit from her cupboard and went into the bathroom.

I've noticed that almost all your sentences have started with "she did this" or "She did that". I would definitely go back and vary those sentences up because otherwise they all sound alike and it's boring. Also you're explaining every action, instead of cleaning this and picking up this and such why not just say she quickly tidied her room, unless you really want to go into detail, that is.

“Here you go Allison dear.” She said, handing it to her.

Note what I said about quotes.

Her brother never was at home. He was always busy with his job IT Project Manager. He rarely was at home and she usually had to manage herself. To think, he would stay home on that one special day.

Right here we have a repetition.

She began her long walk to the mall.

I want to know why she likes to walk. I would never walk! lol

A tall 23 year-old girl with short black hair, green eyes and ivory skin ran out of the kitchen angrily

I hate to be picky but I dislike how you always mention the age. You can also that later or make it more subtle.
Also, instead of saying girl in the beginning, why not just say Danny's sister? It kills two birds with one stone, you know?

“Grrr!” The girl growled

This is basically not a very professional thing to do. Omit the "Grrr!" and just say she growled.
'Her jaw hardened and she clenched her fists with a growl.'

******

Overall
So that's all I'm going to nitpick because I'm seeing the same mistakes over again and I think you can edit this just fine without me having to point it all out, right? lol
I could see that all your characters were fairly different but at some points they lacked realism. Try making them more believable. Your grammar was decent but I really think you need to brush up on correct punctuation with quotes. Also, you started and ended sentences in weird places and that made the flow of your piece kind of sloppy. Your plot was nice, I could tell you spent some time on it and that shows that you're serious about your work. Sorry if I sounded harsh but all in all, you did pretty well, a heck of a lot better than me when I was fourteen, that's for sure! But don't worry about it, just keep writing and learning.
Cheers!

~Pink



Life is like a bag of potatoes, it starts out rough, but can turn into something beautiful (and yummy).
— Ley