No title.

OKay, so I'm pretty sure I know what this poem is about. Tell me if I'm wrong. It's about handling the pressures of life (by writing??) and... it mentions not cutting yourself, right? I like the idea, but the rhythm is way off. The other reviewers covered this, but I just wanted to tell you that this could be a really great poem! I love the basic meaning (if I even guessed right).
-Dai

Hi there!

So, I'm not going to give this a super nitpicky review, as this doesn't seem like it needs one. You don't have very many basic errors. However, I don't understand what this poem is about. Right now it just comes across as very simple rhyming- the kind of thing you read on the wall of a third grade classroom. You seem desperate to find rhymes- I mean, really. You randomly mention John Wilkes Booth in order to rhyme with "truth". I also think that's a terrible simile. Mr. Booth definitely couldn't handle the truth about slavery being abolished, because he shot president Lincoln....

Anyway, as I was saying, this poem doesn't have any good meaning. It is just disconnected rhymes. It's very forced, with no emotion,and no good imagery or stories to tell. It honestly meets none of my expectations for quality poetry.

I've read other pieces of your work that are much better than this. I would keep working, and try to stay away from an AABB rhyme scheme. It's a little bit childish and not a good read.

Keep writing!

-Tori

Hey Alliaaryn! I'm distantdreamer but you can call me dreamer for short. I enjoy the main point you are trying to make here however; there are a few things I would like to point out.
Blue= change Red= CommentsGreen= What I enjoyed.

You try to stay sane
While you hide the painGood rhyme scheme here.
The hate Hate of what?
Is what you try to rateThis part is very confusing. How do you rate hate? Infact.. what is it that you do hate in this piece? Difficult for the reader to follow therefore; relate to.

You can never escape your fate
When you arrive at the gateI understand you are trying to create a rhythm or rhyme scheme here. However, the gate reference is a little confusing.Maybe find a better reference that can rhyme with fate.
When they ask about the mistakes you made
And the fines you've paid

If you can handle the truth
Like John W. Booth I'm a little confused as to what truth John W Booth dealt with. Yes, he did kill Abraham Lincoln but what TRUTH did that arise with him?
About your life
Do not pick up the knife

Don't break your skin
Just write with this penYour rhyme scheme is off here. Your rhyme is spot on but it's making your poem sound awkward and lost. How does breaking your skin involve writing? I think more clarity here could make this a strong stanza.
You will win
This war of sin

For rest you lay
For the pain is here to stayI would maybe not start both these stanzas with the word For.. try to find a better alternative. ie: but, so, and, ect.
No one knows the pain I am hiding inside
In this million year ride What is this 'million year ride' you speak of?