As I sit here,
Wanting no less than to scream,
Scream loud for all to hear,
I realize I am almost at peace
With my own damned self.
I hurt so many people lately,
My best friend and my lover.
I shouldn't have commited that crime.
I just sit on my bed,
With a death wish upon my lips.
The weight of it
Upon my heart.
I silently grab a sheet of paper,
And write:
Dear friends,
I am sorry for the disappointment,
I apologize for the hurt and the hate.
Some think I am perfect,
But if you look closely,
I am flawed.
I am hurt and angry.
I hold a deep hatred within my heart
Towards those who have scared me.
I am wise beyond my years
Because of the horrors I have witnessed;
Because of the hell that I have adapted to.
The things that my dear father did not want me to see
Was the things he was exposing me to.
The bloody hell he designed for me unconciously.
Mom tried to hide it;
Treied to conceal it in their room.
Well, mom, these walls aren't sound proof and I'm not deaf.
I heard just as much as you did.
You all lied to me,
Selfish bastards.
Said everything was fine, you were happy,
He wouldn't leave.
Look where we are now; He did leave.
I have been running in circles in my own personal hell.
So, I would like to apologize.
For my hurt and yours.
For dragging you into my manipulative traps and games.
I give you all hints, try to warn you,
By saying that I adore games.
I am sorry.
I will never change.
My own damn fault, huh?
I'll make you all happy
And just end it all.
Goodbye.
Love and hate,
Me.
I think this is a great poem. The meaning of it, the idea of it being a letter, the emotions and the actions. All of it is very good.
I just dislike the fact that everything is so straight-forward. You left no room for the mind to wander and the imagination to flow through and find hidden meanings. That is, in my opinion, the best part of a poem. Being able to think about it makes me like it even more every time I read it. With yours, you are telling everyone every little detail.
Another good thing to create a sense of wonder in it would be to move some of the words around and create a whole different message when it is looked at differently.
Hope it helped(:
First thing that strikes me is how your emotions at the time of writing are all there ... your emotions are clear and bold.
"I hurt so many people lately,
My best friend and my lover.
I shouldn't have commited that crime."
The only problem with this that I have is that it goes from flowing very well when you read it .... " I hurt so many people lately, My best friend and my Lover." ...... To not flowing very well .... It turned sharp as I read the last line in that section... its kinda hard to explain .... but as I read it ... It makes sense until the last line ..
The last line is just to sharp and doesnt fit in with the other lines ... doesnt flow as well as the other lines .
Hope this helps!
My 4th review!!! :3
Lorna
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P.S Any questions PM me !!
I liked this poem. You have expressed your feelings very nicely. I hope your friends will forgive you. Things such as this happen in life so don't get too serious about it and stop thinking about dying cos life's too short to be leaving with regrets.