Published May 7, 2010
Dear Father, Grace, Jess, and Jake,
While lying in the trenches, I’ve had a lot of time to write. Your letters have heartened me to fight harder. No, Jake, I have not spoken to the field medics, but I have seen them. Yes Jess, I have seen men shot and killed just like that, but it’s nothing to be proud of. Grace, no we do not get special treatment, we are only foot solders and no one can afford anything better than bread. It was my choice to join the American Expedition Force and the Allies. I was not drafted. The Central Powers are evil and need to be stopped. Father, please forgive me for the harsh words I spoke at the dock, I was nervous and cry your pardon. Training was tough with constant drills and exercises. We learned how to shoot a machine gun, put a gas mask on, and set mines.
Life in the trenches is horrible. There are rats and other unimaginable horrors. It smells like garbage trucks and bathrooms mixed together. We wait, wait, and wait till there is news of the enemy, then move or fight. When mail comes, there is a mad scramble, but otherwise we sit around and gamble. I have won some fellow’s hat while playing strip poker, but the officer made me give it back because we need all the clothing we can get as winter approaches. We’ve seen some action and I have seen so may injured and/or killed in the past month. I don’t know how long the “Great” war will go on, but I won’t back down.
It is somewhat fun to have all that action around me. Though I was hoping that no one from home was out here, but I was wrong. I saw Robert three days ago at the front line but when he went into the fog he didn’t come out. What goes on in the Homefront in Chicago? Grace, how is Peter, and your Paul and little Patty? Jess, tell me of your dirty deeds with James. Jake, are going to continue wooing Elizabeth? Father, do not close the motel. I will run it when I get home.
Write soon,
Grant
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Hey there!
It makes it seem a bit cheesy through some humour placed in the wrong kind of atmosphere, so perhaps revise how you construct that particular sentence so it compliments the overall atmosphere you're portraying. Also, were they drunk when they played strip poker? Seems rather odd of them!First of all, I love this piece. I've always had a passion for everything historic and I think you've brought some key things to light when discussing a soldier's experience in WW1.
The opening of your letter is particularly exceptional because you've conveyed it to us so personally, which creates a real idea of character and the relationship with who you're writing to. What I will say though, is be more dramatic perhaps. Throw something in there to give the pot a stir and perhaps dive for a risk, because it seems you play this part quite safely.
In the second paragraph, you've begin to discuss the situation moreso and I quite enjoy reading it because it brings back memories of my History studies on World War. However, there are times when the change in tone seems a bit abrupt and perhaps alien, such as the (perhaps unintentional) poetry that occurs here:
I like how you work your way back to personal response in the last paragraph, although I would suggest making the war sound more dark and dramatic. Your character's there and despite all the boredom, etc, what is he actually feeling? Desperation? Panic? A lust to get home? Shellshock? Perhaps he's even addicted to war? You know, just see if you can craft some of those ideas into it a bit more.
Otherwise, it's brilliant, so well done! Especially for your age!
Ben
Hey, I liked it since it is from a soldier set up in the WWI. It would be wonderful to create a book full of the soldier's letters to his beloved family and beloved friends.
Yeah, the first guy is right: good ti fit into a historical fiction.
Keep writing.
It was really good I liked how you made it realistic and went in the mindset of a soldir there beleifs not just "I went in a trench it was bad and I was in battle" i really like how you described it because many soldirs died in trenches because of disease let alone attack so I think you should write more historical fiction Try WW2
This is really good. You should think about writing some more historical fiction.
-Bromthebard