Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so this is half decent start I think to this piece. It goes along pretty well for the most part and I think you've managed to get together a decent first chapter here, its got most of what you want from a first chapter. 
Anyway let's get right to it,
"Natalia Valin, Jessa Santana, Ashton Underwood, and Lyle Valin." The four of us stepped forward, four strangers faced with the same fate. We were being boarded onto a train with fifty-two others from twelve other districts, put into a death camp, we were only the first transport, there was going to be more to come.
I stepped onto the grain and it looked fairly comfortable but we were ill at ease because of what was going to happen, we were faced with either life or death, "Natalia, do you think we're going to live?" Lyle asked me. My older brother was asking me something that I couldn't answer and I could tell he was scared.
Okayy....well, this is quite a start, not something I've seen happen ever before I think in a first chapter, just people being shipped off to some sort of death camp and life and death coming into play so quickly. It absolutely manage to get your attention as a reader and instantly does manage to really catch your attention. This is a powerful start here.
"The best thing to do is stay strong Lyle, no matter what, don't let them know you're afraid." I sighed staring off into space. To a random bystander it would have looked like I was talking to myself.
He looked at me, I could feel his eyes on me even if I wasn't paying attention, "Are you sure they won't do anything to us if we don't let them know we're afraid?"
"Lyle, I never said that," I yelled, "I said stay strong, does that mean that they're not going to do anything? No it just means there's less of a chance of them hurting us." I could feel the blood racing through my veins, I'd never yelled at Lyle like that before, I'd never disrespected him like that what had gotten into me?
Okayy...well this is off to an interesting start. Its sort of the expected thing, people stuck in a situation with this much stress riding around can raise some tension and cause arguments but also you expect the people involved to show a bit more shock and be in a bit more of an emotional state and support each other more than argue right away. Arguments happen but not immediately, you have to build up to them.
He looked at me then looked at the floor and didn't say anything after that.
"I'm sorry Lyle." I said getting up and walking down the hall to my cabin.
I had time to think before the next stop, I was going to be sharing my cabin with another person I didn't know but the thing was that I trusted this person even less because she was from a different district and sometimes hatred and distrust turns into crime and murder, I hoped i was going to live through this. I lay on my bed thinking, my family was upset, two of us were being taken away instead of just one. Was I dreaming?
Ohh, well that complicates matters a little more. I feel like perhaps if we got a bit more context on this whole different cabin theory this argument might make a bit more sense, because with this new information then arguing at a time like this makes a little more sense.
The train came to a sudden stop, but I didn't more. A few moments later a young dark haired girl came into the cabin, looked at me, smiled, and sat down on the couch that was in our room, "Hi my name is Makenna." She said quietly.
"Hi I'm Natalia, you can call me Nat, or Natie, anything you wish to call me actually." I semi smiled.
There was a long moment of silence while each of us tried to think of something to say, "How are you?" I asked, I knew the answer but it was worth asking anyway.
Okay...so that captures the sort of awkward air around a first meeting fairly well. Its a nice little start to this situation here. I have a feeling maybe we've just met the three people that will end up being important to the story by this point.
She gave me a strange look but then she smiled, "I'm doing well thank you," she answered quietly, "What about you?"
"I'm good." She seemed nice so far but I couln't trust her until I knew more about her.
"So tell me some about yourself she said." She wasn't even looking me in the face when she said this.
"Well, I have sixteen siblings, I'm fifteen years old, and I have no mother, my dad is rarely home so my older brother Jackson pretty much takes care of us." I answered cautiously.
I was afraid to ask this girl to tell me about herself so I didn't, the rest of the night was spent in silence as we tried not to annoy each other, I fell asleep early that night but it was not a peaceful sleep.
Okayy...well the awkwardness spilled into a bit of an introduction there, which I suppose does manage to make sense. Its a bit on the fence there, but I think that's a nice sneaky way to introduce this new character quite quickly. The ending also is nice, I like how the conversation kind of abruptly flows a stop due to the awkwardness and they just fall asleep.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think this is a good start to this story here. There's a couple of tiny areas where some ironing out here and there might be required but for the most part its nice and it managed to be interesting enough that I find myself wanting to know more here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4102
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