Fear

Hello.

I found this poem started off strong, but you've left us with lists and an expectation we all share the same fear. While I did get sensory impressions from this poem, it seems a bit too scientific to really capture the essence of fear.

I did like that you tried to differentiate yourself from simply writing about general fear and evoking this fear in others, but the only one that really hit any nerve was the fear of closed spaces. This reaction was mostly gotten because you gave us a strong message of "not being able to breathe." (And, yes, your use of "breath" in there is a typo. "Breathe" with an E is the act of breathing) Things like "Drowning" and "burning to death" don't give me any real sensations, while not being able to breathe does.

With that in mind, I would go through and strengthen these images. Not necessarily add that much to the poem, but make sure that you have something concrete that can actually give us a good scare from just a few words. Not even a good scare, come to think of it. Just something that gets us thinking, so when we read your last stanza we swallow a bit and go on with our day because it's just vaguely uneasing. That our fears have a point.

The repetition in this poem also bothers me a bit, because it seems like you're trying to cram each idea into one line when maybe in some cases (like that last stanza) it's better to use compound sentences and let them run onto the next line, just for some variety. It would also cut the repetition, a bonus.

I'd also try to avoid blatant lists and focus more on the psychological horror aspect of this poem, because you do have the roots to make something that makes us shift in our seats, if you cut the boring lists/repetition and strengthen the images.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions/comments.

~Rosey

I love this poem, and I'm not a fan of poems! Great job.

Omg! I'm scared of elevators too! :O haha. I like this poem. good job on it. It's very unique. I haven't ever seen something like it before.